'Tis the season

It's time to be merry and we are.  My mom came for a brief visit, but it was just the thing to make the season jolly.  I miss my family so much and Christmas is really "our" holiday.  Both my mom and dad, before and after the divorce, made Christmas the most special, huge, happy holiday of the year for as long as I can remember.  It is by far the most difficult time for me to be away from all of them.  Anyway, while my mom's visit was short, it was wonderful.  She showered Liam in her special Mormor love and cuddled with Finn.  My stepdad finally got to see where we live and meet our newest member.  It was a really nice weekend.

In the meantime, I am celebrating the holidays with friends, the friends who have kindly made themselves our extended family.  And while all this merry-making occurs, I am constantly thinking about having another child. I KNOW!  I swore two was the number for me....and I can't figure out why I am thinking all day long about another baby...hormones? The desire to try for a girl? Or nurse another little wonder? I certainly cannot afford another person...but that's beside the point.  I love the babies Papabear and I have made...it seems sad not to bring one more into our lives.  The c-section was so terrifying, but also very, very quick.  Ack.  I am just rambling.  I go back and forth.  I feel guilty making LittleGuy a middle child.  I know it would turn all of Papabear's hair gray.  It would mean...a million things. I'm just thinking.  I love our little family, it really is perfect the way it is.  I'm  just saying...should there be another...one day...just IF...it would be totally okay with me.

So, please forget you read all that and enjoy the video and photos below.  I have a bunch of videos to upload, they just take forever.

 

Bigbrudder

Mormor

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I make it to the other side of the camera.

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Fun, fun Mormor.

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I haven't had latkes since I moved to Texas - my mom was kind enough to make a huge batch.  They are AWESOME!!!

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A friend loaned me her Bumbo - aaahhh, the baby stuff, it's neverending!

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Littleman all decked out for his caroling show at preschool.

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Sleepy baby.

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I swear he doesn't usually sleep with all this stuff, as recommended by the American Pediatric Association.  He was asleep with all this stuff for about one minute - just long enough to grab the camera.

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Funny little things...

Littleman will never cease to make us laugh.  I uploaded some pictures the other day and found these:

 

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This must be what he's doing while I am changing diapers....I love, LOVE that my kid is such a character.

Also, Papabear and I recently discovered that Littleman has an interesting way of saying November and December.  For some reason he adds "derf" to the end.  So, he says, "Novemberderf" and "Decemberderf." Go ahead, say it out loud a couple of times - we were in tears.

Here's the "snow" we had the other day.

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I have a video up on facebook of the snowfall, I'll try to get it up here soon.

Littleman has finally begun to show an interest in letters and writing.  Here's a drawing of the two of us. (I'm on the right, you can tell by the hair.)   :-)

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And finally, this year's gingerbread house.

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Prepare yourself

for some SERIOUS cuteness!  Can you believe his shirt says "little guy"???????  AND, it was only three bucks at WalMart!  This might be the most perfect picture I have ever taken. Ever.

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And I almost wish these two were related so this could be my christmas card!!!!

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Can you stand it????  I know, neither can I. *sigh*  Such cuties....

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The turkey has come and gone...

Well, technically, the turkey is still with us in the form of blessed leftovers!  Mmmmm, can't wait for my sandwich at lunch today.  I prepped everything for turkey day the day before, so all there was to do was put the turkey in the oven and wait.  SO, we decided to put up our tree.  As I have mentioned, Littleman is beyond excited about the holidays, so we went ahead and got them rolling.  We had a really nice morning together and a very nice afternoon with the family.  Here are some photos:

These two are just of LittleGuy gearing up for chilly mornings...

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Papabear is always cracking me up...

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Yes, our tree topper is a chicken.

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I included this one not so much to showcase our tree but to show that while my boobs and belly continue to grow, my butt appears to be keeping itself at bay.

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This is serious business for Littleman.

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The beloved 19 lb turkey....

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LittleGuy hung out here for two hours while we decorated the tree!!

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Always love an opportunity to use the wedding china.

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My little turkeys with grandma (Maday).

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Let the feasting begin!!

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Grandma brought some fun stuff!

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I can be an airplane, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Matching PJ's

are so adorable.

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Nursing

I really didn't think nursing was going to work out for me.  Most of you know that.  For the first month of LittleGuy's life, I was very close to giving up.  A few trusted sources told me to stick it out until six weeks.  I did.  Amazingly, they were right, it did get easier...but I still wasn't sold.  I was dependent on that damn nipple shield and I had very little confidence that my "chest structure" would ever truly be able to feed my child.

However, ten weeks into this nursing relationship with my baby and I'm a done deal.  I love it.  I feel like breastfeeding Finn is one of the most amazing things I have ever done in my entire life.  An accomplishment as much as it is a gift. He practically weaned himself off the shield over a week ago and I can't believe that "they" work - all by themselves!  Well, LittleGuy is bigger and knows what to do now, so that helps A LOT.

I finally feel comletely in tune with the whole experience.  I did not believe people who told me it's easier to breastfeed, but now I know it's true.  And, it is just an amazing thing to be able to nourish your child...just by being alive and eating and drinking and staying near your baby.  Amazing.  My body makes food.  I am a fully functioning kitchen for my baby. Completely mind blowing. Everytime we sit down for a "meal" I am washed in awe.

It really irks me that the nurses in NY did not encourage me more when Littleman was born.  It makes me sad that this experience was lost for him...and me.  I am sad that I'll only get to nurse one baby. I don't feel any less connected to Littleman, plus, I really didn't know what I was missing. (Since I won't be letting LittleGuy sleep in our bed, I feel like the boys are even in "closeness to mommy as a baby" issues).  And I am not saying that every one should nurse - it has to be right for that mom and that baby at that moment.  It really is not easy.  It takes patience and confidence (when you have none) and, most of all, a support system. 

All that said, as much as I love nursing, it is pretty gross.  Milk gets every where.  At times I am literally a geyser.  It completely suppresses my libido and there are a multitude of drugs (ie, birth control) that are forbidden.  I lack grace and tact, so in public I am pretty much a nursing nightmare.  (Thank goodness Littleman is too young to be embarassed by me...and Papabear is working so much, he's usually not with us). And, I know I have complained about this before, but the sheer size that I have to carry around...is really ridiculous.  So, it's not heaven or perfect.  But, it is beautiful.  *I* may not be, but the act is beautiful.  Beautiful and peaceful and almost magical.  I feel completely and utterly content.  I am living my dream. 

I am a mommy of two beautiful boys and wife to a man I love and adore.  If I died today I could say I have everything I ever wanted.

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Last Halloween pics...

Here's the last of 'em.  LittleGuy as a horsie and Littleman with his friends.

 

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Now that Halloween is over, Littleman is already talking about Christmas.  Taking down the Halloween decorations was so sad for him (we've had them up since October 1!!!!).  I almost wish there were more decorations for Thanksgiving. BUT, I am not going there.  The day after Thanksgiving we break out the Christmas stuff and that's good enough for me.  I love that Littleman shares my excitement for holidays.  He could ignore my jollyness, but he embraces it.  We'll make some turkey decorations to get us through until black Friday.  I have to make calendars for him to hang in his room so he can check off the days. 

Well, I haven't been sleeping great, so I think I'm going to head to bed. I think all the adrenaline and elation that got me through the first two months has finally wore off...and the lack of sleep is taking its toll.  I can't say enough how grateful I am to have friends out here who invite me over for dinner or come over when I need their kids to entertain mine.  I couldn't survive without them.

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