Too long for Facebook

-Today I saved $0.18 using recycled grocery bags...and while it felt good, I wanted to save more like $8.00, but savings is savings, I guess. And I didn't use more plastic.

-It is absolutely GLORIOUS outside...but I want it to rain and rain and rain so I don't have to be scared to do 6 loads of laundry and run the dishwasher...and perhaps take a shower at the end of the day. (Our well dried up yesterday. We have a little now....but we have to be EXTRA conservative now.)

-I wore corduroy's this morning...I felt very foolish by noon and changed into capris. Did I mention it is GLORIOUS outside?

-I am completely in love my my new book, The Homemade Pantry, by A. Chernila. It has so many fantastic recipes and ideas for being more self sufficient and environmentally friendly. She also has a blog that I am really enjoying: http://www.eatingfromthegroundup.com/. I am making her 'beef bulgogi' tonight. Very excited. Sadly, a lot of her recipes in the book have eggs or butter or milk...but I am working on making modifications and hoping extra hard that Finn grows of the dairy allergy in the next few years.

-Being laid off might actually turn out to be okay for us. Maybe. It's a little early to say for sure.

-I am still fat. I'm not running as much as I need or want to. I want to be healthy....I really do. And there's that same old tune.

-Finn is not napping or keeping to his room as I have suggested with great enthusiasm. It is maddening. I wanted to get so many things done and now, instead, I am blogging and he is eating a jello cup he found in the vegetable crisper ( I think I tried to hide it there a few months ago....).

-I love our dog, but he is driving me crazy. The neighbors (three 20-something boys who still live with their mother and don't seem to work very often) are shooting air rifles or something like that and the dog is barking, barking, barking. This morning a neighbor's dog showed up on our porch and stayed for a couple of annoying hours. Austin barked and the two didn't really get along, so that was fun. I called the number on the dog's tag about six times. They finally showed up.

-Totally random: Finn really enjoys helping me cook.

-I will never tire of hanging laundry on the line outside and how it smells like heaven. Seriously, my heaven will smell like clean clothes drying in the sun on a breezy spring day.

-Oh, don't judge me. I have stopped brushing/combing my hair. What's the point? Really? Whether I comb it or not, whether I blow dry it or not, it ends up looking messy and in a loose bun anyway. After I shower - which, by the way, I now only use a 2-in-1 shampoo, so I'm even cutting corners there - I just tie my hair in a bun and let it dry. It looks pretty decent -even when I've slept on it for 6 hours....or maybe I am just telling myself that. Anyway, after about six days of our spring break passed I realized that I had not brushed my hair once...not even for Easter. So, I brushed it. I guess I'll brush it every now and then. And, just in case you are worried, I am not growing dreads - I 'finger' comb it to get out the knots....but...I feel very much like I am rebelling against society by going to my professional librarian job without touching my hair. No one has said anything...so I guess it's okay.

-And now I am off to bake some bread for a friend.

C'mon....

This time I WILL get published...

chugga chugga chugga

I am writing a new children's book.

I gave up on my troll story....for now. I feel really sad saying that because I worked on it - on and off - for nearly 9 years! But, this fall I ordered a troll graphic novel for my library and it was MY story! It's a retelling of a classic Norwegian tale....not very well known, but well enough, and some smarty-pants who can draw turned it into a not so awful graphic novel. I will be the first one to tell you that it's not bad. It's not better written than mine, it's just told and presented in a better way....and judging by the last few sentences, I may never get published. I need to review grammar. Boo.

So, anyway, I have a new idea. Some new characters and a story I'd like to tell. A world I'd like to create and share and turn into a cute little series...that will dazzle a publisher who will advance me and send a contract upon reading the first few paragraphs...ahhh, gotta love my imagination.

But you know when you have a really good idea....you get this feeling...sort of like that feeling, that split second, when you KNOW you are going to catch the wave and it's a little bigger than you anticipated? But you are psyched? I have that feeling.

Now I carry around a notepad and pencil everywhere I go. I try to write at least every other day for a half hour. It's hard to find time to write...but I want to get this done and sent out. I will be calling on some of my grammar-knowledgable peeps for proofreads. Yeah, you probably know who you are. I hope to send you folks a draft in a few weeks.

Wish me luck. Another adventure.

Oh...did I forget to mention that I am being laid off? Oh yeah. THAT's happening. No money in the budget for a .5 librarian. After June 21 I will be officially unemployed. (again) :(

On the upside, (cuz there's always an upside) I will have more time to write AND try to start my bread baking business (Rise and Shinealot). I'm already taking orders for Amish White, Honey Whole Wheat, and Rolls to Die for (great for sandwiches or dinner). $3.50 a loaf or bag of 12 rolls. Feel free to email. I deliver. So yeah...wish me luck on that one, too!

Next Generation

My 16 year old sister currently has this quote up on her blog,

"Parents have no idea what it's like growing up in this generation."

It's very weird for me to read this as I am somewhere in the middle of her generation and our parents. I totally get where she is coming from. I never felt like I was understood as a teenager, at least not by my mom, who was in charge of me - setting all those limits and inevitably teaching me to be a responsible adult. But man did I resent her for it at the time! (Sorry, Mom!)

I feel like I have been given some magic perspective goggles...if only they would work for my sisters. Now that I AM a reasonably responsible adult, I understand that while parents can be clueless about so much that seems important at the time, ultimately, the universal lessons remain the same generation after generation.

Be a good person. Be respectful to others, especially your elders. Take care of your family. Respect yourself by making choices you will be proud of (or can live with). Do well in school. See the bigger picture. Make an effort to make other people feel good. Do your chores whether you want to or not. Make your bed every morning. (Well...that last one probably isn't an important universal lesson...but I've already instilled in my 6 year old who has had to do it every day since he was 4...poor little guy.)

Reading this quote scares me a little, too. It makes me wonder what Liam and Finn will be like as teenagers. What will our relationships be like? Will I be totally clueless? Will we fight over making the beds? (inevitably!) Will I have earned their respect? Will they walk all over me? (Sort of like they do now...only with bigger, stinkier feet....)

Instead of fear, I will just have to remember to keep those perspective goggles handy. Mama knows best...

(I know what some of your are thinking - I have boys, it'll be different than the 'mother/daughter' thing I had going on. My friends, you are wrong. Liam and I have established a lovely mother/daughter relationship. We are as dramatic as they come - already!)

Anyway, here's to the future...

Not one photo

For the last few days I have had my dad, stepmom, and two sisters staying with us and I did not take one picture.

It frustrates me...but I also feel liberated. I HATE missing the moment because I am behind a camera taking a picture. Living in the moment is where I'd much rather be...but now they are gone and I don't have any pics to post or put in an album in three years when I get around to making an album for 2012.

So here are some shots I would have taken had I charged and used my camera in no particular order.

**Liam BARRELING across the lobby of his school with his arms out wide to give his grandpa a huge hug when he came to pick him up.

**Alie...getting hit by a stick in the woods flung by a careless Liam.

**My sister Jill's, long slender fingers caught, playfully, in Austin's jaws...and if I were recording you'd here her sweet laugh as she tenderly scolds him.

**Alie, her own long hair piled on top of her head, with her fingers intricately knotting and braiding mine...for the fourth time.

**My stepmom, Krissy, looking up from the train platform, waving and blowing good-bye kisses emphatically to Finny.

**The eight of us, nine if you include the dog, standing in 100+ year old graveyard, on a beautiful sunny day, appreciating the life and death all around us.

**My Dad, Krissy, sisters, and I huddled around a perfect coffee cake with plates and forks.

**Finn, in miniature bowling shoes, carrying a bowling ball more than half his weight, to push down the alley.

**Three sister in the kitchen washing/drying dishes and baking together.

You get the idea...there's my little photo album.

Don't ask me how I am...

Because...I kind of feel like a dork when all I want to say is, "Great. The greatest I've ever been EVER. All my dreams have come true. Blah blah blah." I mean - I miss people and life isn't perfect - but when is it ever? All I am saying is that...I am so so happy. We love our house, we love each other...what else is there?

SO, that picture up there is of dairy free cookies baking for Finn up top and dough rising for my whole wheat and oatmeal bread. Mmmm....the double ovens are AMAZING.

Here's a great shot of the living room, all cozy. We still need to paint the walls in here, so we haven't hung anything up.

Here's the 'split-level' - stairs going up and down...
Supposedly our kitchen table will FINALLY arrive tomorrow....I won't believe it until I see it.
The playroom...a mess, as always.
Oh...sort of random, but this is the three phase training plan my dear friend Fred made up for me. Apparently I will run a half marathon in October...
Another shot of the playroom...lighting was terrible...and yeah, that's a lightbulb on a stand. We need floor lamps...but those can wait...
Here's the other side of Finny's room.
And there are those yummy cookies. Honestly, they are as good, if not better than my other ones. Maybe not as rich b/c I use mini chocolate chips...but I certainly could hunt down a more decadant chocolate. In any case, these were a hit and I'll be making them a lot.
Ahh, here's Liam at the Cub Scout's Pinewood Derby. He wasn't as into it as I thought he would be, but it was fun. His car, mostly built by Bill, wasn't the fastest, but it wasn't the slowest, either.
Liam is a pretty happy guy. He's got a pretty sweet life, if you ask me. Cub Scouts every week. Ski school every Sunday until March. He's not the smartest kid in his class, but he isn't struggling, either. Bunk bed. Small forest for a back yard. Family that comes around to visit. Friends. Nothing brings me greater joy than knowing my babies are happy and thriving. This is also his first day wearing a turtleneck. He seemed to think it was a special occasion...to simply wear a turtleneck.
Finnster LOVED the races. He was clapping and cheering the whole two hours! This sweet little guy tags along to ALL of Liam's adventures. I think he has a good time doing so. His life is clearly headed down 'Awesome Lane' as well. Skiing and Scouts and whatever else...lucky boys.

Poor Finny...he thinks he's one of the big boys. Thankfully, all these kids tolerate him, and a bunch are actually pretty sweet and cute to him. He'll be a Cub Scout before I know it (sigh).
And so I go. Chugging along. Mama to my boys. Sometimes school librarian. Budding bread baker. Long driveway walker. Possibly runner of semi-long distances... grateful for every second people.

Oh, in case some of you local peeps are wondering, we ARE going to have a house warming party, BUT we have to wait Chuck and Mira are available and that won't be until the end of March. We would not have been able to move in/renovate as quickly as we did without their help AND we really would like for them to perform...they are worth hearing. Will keep ya posted.

Knowing...

So, the saying goes, "You know when you're done." (I am referring to baby making.) Over the last few months I have found this expression extremely annoying.

Here is what I know.

I know I like a certain lifestyle. One that involves going to the movies and out to eat from time to time and maybe even a vacation once in a while. I know that I love my husband and my relationship with him means the world and more to me.

I know that I want to be able to afford to let Liam keep skiing for as long as he likes. And swim. And whatever. And Finn, too.

I know these things to be true. So, while some deep inner...something, yearns for one more babe from time to time, I KNOW it is not best for me and the lifestyle I have chosen.

I know this. I had to write it out. It is a choice. So...the whole "you know when you're done" thing seems so black and white and I feel like I am in the gray. As usual.

Teaser...

Our house is finally turning into our HOME. Here's a shot of Finn's room. I need to get a shot of his bed corner, but here's the main gist of his room. He is SO happy to have a train table in there.

Here you can see Liam in all his glory. He LOVES his room. Thus far, we have not been involved int he placement of anything except the furniture. He has things hanging and piled all over. We'll organize it eventually, but for now, he just loves having his own space.
And more than anything in the world he LOVE LOVE LOVES his bunk bed.
Here's the master. It's very calming...except for the boxes and unfinished closet, but all in good time.
Okay, two things of note in this picture. We bought our bed from a Japanese company in California. There are no screws or nails, all the wood fits together like a puzzle! It is pretty awesome...but a real pain in the neck to move. Now that our lovely carpet is in, I don't think we'll ever move it again.
Here's another shot of the room. You can see the reflection of the window in our mirror.
In case you didn't know, I LOVE our house. I love it. I am so happy. (Sore, exhausted, and totally tired of opening, unpacking, and breaking down boxes.) But, so so happy. I look forward to the months ahead - watching our property change with the seasons. I am counting the days until I can rent a roto-tiller and 'till' the garden. I actually can't wait to smell the earth as I dig and plant and rearrange stones...there will be so much to do and all of it outside...on my little piece of the earth. All the while my little boys will be filling their pockets with rocks and mud, hanging on trees, and getting into all sorts of trouble...ahhh....

We are still awaiting a dining room table and fancy futon for the basement. The fancy futon is a housewarming gift from my mom and David and I want you folks who are far away to pay special attention. We bought a queen size with a VERY nice mattress SO when you visit you will have a cozy, comfy place to sleep (and air mattresses for the kids). Yep, start booking your tickets and I'll get the buttermilk stocked for pancakes.