The farewells begin....

No...they haven't. I haven't really said farewell to any one. I've thought about the fact that it is going to happen in just a few more days and tears immediately start stinging. This picture was taken at my very lovely farewell party at the equally lovely home of our friends Michelle and David. We tried very hard not to talk about why we were having this particular party. And, if you judge by the above picture, it seems like we did a good job.

I have a knack for loving people with all of my heart and living in the moment. The wonder of this ability is that my life, my day to days, are filled with love, absolutely bursting and overflowing with it. The down side, however, is that with such strong love, comes a proportionate explosion of sadness and loss when you have to say good-bye. And even though I am moving back home and back to wonderful friends and family who I also love with all of my heart, it is so very difficult to say good bye. And I feel guilty, like I tricked these wonderful people into loving me and now I have to leave them. At least the people back in NY knew I was coming back (even if they wavered or had a hard time believing it to be true, JRM.) My Texas peeps know I will only be back to visit....sigh. Life...you sure are tricky.
This here photo is out of sequence...I cannot manage this blog with any technical savvy, and I apologize for that. Finny Finn, our true Texan...hope he can handle the seasons!

These next two photos are just hilarious. Finn, as you know, is obsessed with my chest...and last night he took some time to assess the goods around him. I think Michelle might accepted as a substitute should my boobs be busy. Sadly, Amber, you might be more than the little man can handle...or perhaps he sensed flour and egg whites from that amazing frosting you so lovingly prepared.

Ahhh, good times.

Where I'm headed....

So, this is the hill I'll be living on...at least for the summer. You couldn't really ask for a more beautiful, peaceful spot to be. This is, hands down, my most favorite place on earth. The boys spent hours throwing rocks in the lake in the past few days and I look forward to a summer filled with muddy toes and dirty shovels.

It's so funny how I try so very hard to make a plan....it's funny because we rarely actually get to 'live the plan.' I thought I'd live on this hill for a year...now...I'm not so sure. I'm not sure I can handle living in my mom's house (even if she'll be in NJ most of the time) and the job that was right down the road did not pan out. So, back to the drawing board I go.

I'm glad I'm flexible. When I got the call that I did not get the job, I had a few moments of breathless panic. The classic, "omg, what am I going to do now" attack of emotions. I wanted to crawl under a rock...or blanket and cry my eyes out. Turns out, I was at the park with the boys, surrounded by many women and children I did not know, so the whole 'losing it' scenario wasn't going to work. Despite the migraine and feelings of desperation, I pulled it together. I pushed Finn on the swings and watched Liam dig a hole in the sand and bit the inside of my cheek.

Later, my mom took us to the beach where I taught Liam how to body surf. (Still with a migraine, but I wasn't going to let that ruin a beautiful afternoon by the ocean.) Sitting on the sand, watching the boys run in and out of the low tide surf, smelling the sea wind, I felt myself regrouping. Bill called a couple times throughout the day and, after 17 years, knew exactly what to say - "It's all going to work out." Honestly, other than a hug, that is the only thing I want to hear when world crumbles in a way I didn't want it to.

I am not sure where I will be in September. I am not sure where Liam will go to first grade. I don't know if I'll have a job, if Finn will be in day care....I kind of don't know anything except that after July 2, I'll be on the hill by the lake for an indefinite amount of time. Oh, I also know that no matter what, I plan on throwing the greatest pumpkin carving party ever on October 15...but really, other than that, I don't know anything. Being a natural-born planner, this is really hard for me....so if I seem distracted or frazzled, it's because, even though I don't have any solid info, I will always be trying to work out a plan for our future.

So, there it is folks. I am headed into the great unknown....see ya there!

My baby's a 6 year old rock star!

My dear Littleman is now six and a full fledged rock star. He hand picked his outfit for the party today, in addition to each rock star item for the goodie bags. (Check out his new sneaks from Grandma!) Liam is my big lover of life and I couldn't be a prouder, happier mama.

For me, the balloons make the party. When I turn 50, or 60, or 100, I don't want presents, just a room full of my friends and balloons...I was blowing up balloons at 6:25 this morning! (Totally worth it.)
Liam and Rory on stage.
Cousin Nico on the lawn.
This one is out of sequence. Liam, after the party, with his new Longhorns hat (Thanks, Di!).
More fans on the lawn! Michelle, Isla, Di, Grandma, Nevin.
Isla dancing with mommy Michelle. Heather and Nyah in the back.
Lots of rock star babies - Rors, Liam, Callum, Lola, and Isaac.
Little Callum getting so big!
Little Finn getting so big!!! Isn't his hair just beautiful???
Happy Birrrrthhhday, dear LIAM.....
Yes, I made this guitar cake....I am clearly NOT good at it, but it made the birthday boy happy and that's good enough for me.
Macklin and Liam rocking out to Katy Perry's "Firework."
Rockstars: Macklin, Liam, Blake, Burke, Jadeon.
Liam, Rors, and Isaac.
The only downside to this whole event...no wait, there are two. One: It's just too darn hot in Texas the first week of June! It was at least 85 and we all had a good sweat on. Second, some really special people were missing. But, overall, we had a wonderful celebration for Liam. Thanks to every one!

Firmer ground

Today our potential buyers stopped by to take some measurements. I arranged for Bill to get the kids out of the house and I planned to park myself on the back porch with a book to stay out of their way.

Well, things went very differently, in a good way. The couple was friendly and excited about the house. A few minutes in they revealed that their two boys were out in the car (it's sweltering here). As I invited them in, Bill turned up with our boys. Well, next thing you know, it's nearly a play date. Liam was showing the boys their future rooms and all the cool nooks and crannies our house has to offer. By the time they left, an hour later, they had purchased a HUGE chunk of our furniture and left me feeling like we really did sell our house.

Whew.

I guess the only things I have to worry about are: a bad inspection (but the house is only 3 years old, so it can't go bad...right? Don't answer that - I'll find out on Thursday) and their financing falling through. BUT, the latter isn't likely...

So, I feel like it's really going to happen. The truck is rented. Bill's return ticket to TX is purchased so he can finish out his contract. We just need to secure some jobs....I hope my next post reveals that I have an interview...we'll see....

I am so excited about spending the summer at the lake...and when my mom gets back from Norway, I'm sure I'll spend a week with her at the beach....aaahhhh, ocean, how I've missed you.

I need to go and put the finishing touches on Liam's birthday party favors...oh, and pack some more...for someone who has purged a BOAT LOAD of books...I sure do have a lot of books to pack. Ug.

Crunching craziness

So...numbers...

8 - states we'll drive through to get back to NY

1689 - roughly how many miles we'll have to drive

450 - approximately how many dollars in gas to get my Pathfinder from a to b.

987 - dollars to rent a 26 foot uhaul truck one

way

150 - how many boxes I will probably pack

2 - librarian positions I have applied for in the last few days

180 - the cost of full time day care for Finny Finn

0 - appropriate working librarian outfits I currently own

7 - yoga capris/pants that have been my uniform for the last three years

11 - the day in July we will drive away from Texas and no longer call it home

2 - epi-pens I will have to remember to pack carefully and not bury in the 150 or so boxes

24 - inflatable guitars we'll be giving out at Liam's upcoming 'rock star' party

590 - sighs over leaving such wonderful friends behind

820 - wistful gazes at the moon

4 - stinky feet I kissed at bedtime

0- offers on our house

22 - showings - favorite "feedback comment" - "kitchen is too close to the front door" wtf???

1 - diet coke I've had in more than two weeks - and it wasn't even a large from McDonalds!

30 - minutes I huff and puff on my elliptical at 6 in the morning

countless:

-hours of sleep I lose thinking about all t

his nonsense

I just had to get that out. I am excited about the two library positions I have applied for. I am bummed that the house hasn't even coaxed an offer out of someone and I think we might lower our price AGAIN just to sell it and be done with it. Oy. Trying not to think about that one too much. But, all in all, I am in general good spirits. My brother is driving through around the time of Liam's birthday, so that's got me excited. I'll be in NJ for my mom's 60th birthday in just a few weeks. Lots of good things

happening here. Lots of unknowns, too

...I'll leave ya with this pic of Liam at field day

.

Talker

So, Finn is not much of a talker. This video I took was the most he ever said in one sitting. He has not said "sky" since...still, it might be the cutest video of him I have to date. Enjoy.

Farm boy