I am a pendulum. A see-saw. Sweet and sour chicken.
Moving back to NY, just thinking of it, brings tears of happiness to my eyes. And leaving behind the wonderful people here, stings those very same eyes.
Being in NY means I will have to work...most likely full-time...that is, of course, if there are any positions to be had. Which means my little, allergy-full, Finny Finn will have to go to day care. I have barricaded my mind from most of the upcoming stresses, but this one manages to leak through on a regular basis. If you talk to me, I will tell you I am freaked out about that lone cheesy cracker on the floor the care giver will have missed...but I am going to let you in on a little secret. That isn't what's at the heart of my distress. At the heart...is knowing that I will no longer spend every minute with that beautiful little baby boy. Some other lucky person I hardly know will get to bask in his laughter, sweet gestures, and attempts to help with a broom.
Ahhh, (big sigh) I know. Every working mama knows how this feels. I feel so, so, so, so, so, so, so lucky for the last three years I have had with Liam and Finn. Such a gift, a true treasure, to be given this time. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But, it does tell you how badly I want to be back east...that I'd give up this life. (Truth be told, I'd have to go back to work here, too...pretty soon. Financially, one working parent just isn't cutting it for us. Still...) Anyway, I lament going back to work as much as I lament putting Finn in an environment filled with milk, peanut butter, crackers, and kids....
And the flip side of that - we'll be in ancient mountains and valleys, surrounded by thousands of trees that have been breathing for decades and centuries. We will fish, walk the hills, climb, skip stones in the lake. (Basically, we'll magically turn into Native Americans...sorry, this little paragraph had that kind of feel to it. My point, though, is that we'll be living in nature again, as opposed to the suburban sprawl that currently surrounds us.)
In other news, I miss writing. I miss it so much. I barely even blog these days. What am I doing with all this time??? (Oh, right, basking in Finn and Liam....) I am going to try and give myself some writing assignments. Feel free to suggest one or two or seven. I work better with deadlines and criteria. (I am so anal, it hurts.) Just writing this little entry makes me feel...right with the world. I need to write. Must write. Anyone want to pay me to write? That would be cool. :p
Other updates, in case you are curious or haven't heard:
-Finn is 19 months old. He does not really talk - he jibber-jabbers all day long and says, "Da-da," like it's his job, but he really does not have what the pediatrician says is the "typical" number of words for a child his age. I don't really care. Even though Liam was speaking in three word sentences at this age, I am not concerned. All in good time, I say. He recently added, "uh-oh" and a garbled sort of "gotcha!" to his vocabulary. (And the latter really just sounds like a fast da-da.) Oh, he says "caw-caw" when we see birds and he pants for dogs. So, see? It's all good.
-Not that you care, but his favorite books are: Machines at Work, by Byron Barton and Bear About Town, by Stella Blackstone. He also quite fond of a "Wheels on the Bus" book we have with pop-ups and movable parts.
-Much to my disgrace, Finn's favorite songs to listen to in the car are: Justin Bieber's "Baby Baby," and Black Eyed Peas' "Boom Boom Pow," and "I Gotta Feeling." It's my own fault for allowing it at all...but it's fun. We also rock out to Rhianna, Britney, Beyonce, Sloan, The Beatles, Fiona Apple, ...yeah, it's a messed up playlist, but it's fun. You know, Liam is in a hip-hop class, so he needs music with a beat.
Well, that's enough with the rambling. Liam is awesome. He's got my stubborn attitude thing going - which I am constantly on him about. Otherwise, he's pretty polite, silly, and, you know, all the wonderful things I have been extolling for the last...er...almost SIX years! (Yeah, two months and the boy will be SIX! Yow.)
