Arizona 2009

So far, so wonderful.  As expected, the Arizona portion of my trip has been just lovely.  Busy, but lovely.  Between two graduations and two birthdays, every day has been a wild ride of activity.  The first two days Littleman and I just sat by or in the pool. We ate by the pool, played with legos by the pool, napped by the pool, you know, generally did not leave the poolside.  The only drag about vacationing at 7 months pregnant is the exhaustion.  The heat and excessive eating make for a very tired pregnant woman...and with all the parties and such, I've had to keep Littleman up WAY past his bedtime nearly every night.  He has been awesome...really, truly awesome.  He saved his super-tired meltdown for the end of all the graduation/party type things.  And although I nearly tore my hair out from having to carry a hysterical, nearly 4 year old, to a car parked in a field, wearing high heels, at 10:30 pm, we not only survived, but had a really great time. (Well...aside for that 35 to 40 minute period.)

Here are some highlights of our week.  We leave for NJ tomorrow.

Celebrating Grandpa's birthday.

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Littleman getting ready to open his presents.

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Littleman napping by the pool....

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Littleman STILL napping poolside, TWO hours later! (The first nap he's taken in MONTHS.)

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Littleman on a REAL horse, NOT a pony!  He loved it. 

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Littleman catching a few snoozes on Grandpa's boat.

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Here's how to get a pregnant lady good and crispy - drag her on a raft forty feet behind a speed boat. (Don't worry, we never went real fast.  When asked how he liked it, Littleman responded, "It's THE BEST!" - okay, he's making that face down there because he had just woken up from his nap.)

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Chillin' as we ride back to home base....

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Holy Cow!

Okay, so I have mentioned that Littleman is quite the little swimmer.  Well, today, he wanted to go down the BIG waterslide at the gym's outdoor pool.  He had gone down once before, in his swim instructor's lap on the last day of swim class.  He has wanted to do it again since, but the pool has a strict NO lap-riding rule.

So, we climb to the top of the tower and I explain that I'll go down first and wait for him at the bottom.  (Granted, I have to wait on the OTHER side of the safety rope, b/c people are not allowed to hang out at the bottom of the waterslide.  Sliders are supposed to be able to clear the slide themselves.)  So, we're waiting our turn, shivering a little (it was 80, but breezy up there), and the lifeguard looks at Littleman and says, "Is he tall enough?"  Technically, no.  You need to be 42 inches and he is only 40.  I say so to the lifeguard.  The very young guard says, "Well, can he swim?"  And I respond, "oh sure, wouldn't be up here if he couldn't!"

And so, I go down and wait for my boy at the bottom.  And what do you know?  He plopped into the water and swam right to where I was waiting on the other side of the rope!  It was amazing.  I had to go down before him one more time and then he was off.  He went down two dozen times all on his own!  Here is a picture of a similar slide at a different club.  I couldn't find one of the slide at our actual gym.

 

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I swelled with pride.  I can't believe he could go down a REAL waterslide!!!!  Amazing.

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A little park time

Here's a video of Littleman riding his new bike and having a little fun at the park on Sunday.

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Going home

SO, I've planned myself one heck of a trip.  I'll be gone a total of 24 days.  I will be traveling to Arizona, NJ, NY, and New Hampshire.  I will be 7 months pregnant for most of the trip and I will be partaking in the following celebrations:

-father's birthday

-sister's middle school graduation

-brother's high school graduation

-Littleman's actual birthday

-Z's wedding (rehersal dinner, and all that goes on with wedding fun)

-mother's birthday

-sister's high school graduation

Papabear has to go to a PA conference in San Diego while Littleman and I are in AZ.  Is he a little depressed about spending five days in San Diego without us? Um...if you know Papabear then you know the answer is YES.

Am I totally broke from the purchasing of plane tickets and presents?  Emphatic YES.  Would I have it any other way? No, of course not.  And this is why I am perpetually having money troubles...well, one of the reasons, anyhow.

Am I excited about the trip?  Yes and No.  The Arizona portion will be awesome.  My family will have to drag me out of my dad's salt water pool every day as I plan to emerge only when my bladder calls.  I will be taking all meals poolside.  I have three younger siblings there who are full of energy and love Littleman.  My Arizona family is full of hugs and kisses.  They love sitting around and talking and snacking.  My kind of people.  Even with all the festivities, I know I will get to relax a bit.

The NY, NJ, NH portion of the trip I am a little worried about.  It will be pretty busy and there are SO SO SO many people I want to see.  I won't have a car (except for the wedding weekend, when Papabear and I will rent one).  My heart literally aches because I simply do not know if I can or will see so many of the people I miss so much.  Visits will be brief. :( Torturous.  Ug.  Time and money, things I lack.  I AM looking forward to being back on the east coast.  I miss my brothers and sister there so much - I haven't seen them in a year...and just typing that physically hurts. 

And Papabear...out of our entire time away, he will only get to see Littleman ONE day. I am picking Papabear up at Newark and driving straight to New Hampshire.  Littleman will be staying with my mom for the weekend. The only day he gets to see Littleman is the day we return from the wedding and then he flies back to TX the next day.  I know Papabear is trying not to think about this.  He still has "issues" about missing so much of Littleman's first two years.  I promised him last year that I wouldn't take anymore of these long trips without him...but missing my family got to be too much.  I need to see them....

Well, in all honesty, in two and a half months I'll have a baby.  We are living on a single income.  I will no longer be able to afford traveling all over the country, let alone WANT to haul two kiddos on my own.  I will actually have to stay put and the family will have to come to me.  I hope they will.  I sometimes feel like they forget all the times I drove for hours or flew so I could be there for birthdays and holidays.....well...anyway, as I am certain I have said before, missing is a central theme in my life.  I will never like it, but I am learning to live with it.

On a final note, I just want to shout out praises for my Littleman.  We've been talking a lot about being independent and he's really taking to it.  Every morning, before he comes into wake me, he puts his pull-up in the trash, gets dressed, and brushes his teeth.  Sometimes he even washes his face and remembers to put his pj's in the hamper!  I do fully expect regression when the bambino arrives, but for now, Papabear and I are singing Littleman's praises as much as possible.

Well, Littleman and I leave tomorrow.  I'm sure I'll post while I'm away...if not, have a lovely May and early June! 

 

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Puppy Party

 

Here are the pics from Littleman's 4th b-day party.  I had hoped to have most of it outside on the new playset, but mother nature was not in the mood to cooperate.  Amazingly, all went swimmingly.  Papabear and I really had a good time making cupcakes and decorating the night before.  Littleman was SO excited for his party today.  We had a really great time.  Thanks to all of our friends who made is such a fun day!

These are our "pupcakes."  I tried to make a blue on, because Littleman is so fond of "blue dogs," but it looked more like a bunny.

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Daddy decorating with paper chains I made with a friend.

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Let the festivities begin!

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"Goodie bags"

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Getting licked!

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The pack escapes from the pound!

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More pound puppies arrive....

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Littleman's favorite part: singing...

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After spending the afternoon, I have inspired D...

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And what D does, Littleman must do, too!

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The boys playing with the birthday loot!

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After Papabear tackled the Transformer, I built this.  Littleman has wanted this since Christmas - Thanks Maday!!!!

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Super fun day!  Thanks to all!!!!

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Let the angels sing....

I am almost embarrassed to admit that I actually cried when the builders showed up 30 minutes early this morning.  Thank goodness I had a doctors appointment and some errands to run while they were out there doing their thing.  Once we got home, Littleman was out in back, saying things like, "How's it going, guys?"  "Wow, that is getting big?" "How much longer till you are done, man?"  He did this every five to eight minutes.  I needed to subdue him with a little Dumbo and crackers.  And, when the men were finally done, the heavens opened, beams of light shown down on our little spot, and the angels sang...or wait, that might have been me.

 

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Mudder's Day Gifts

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Littleman says, "mudder." I asked him if I'm a mudder and he replied, "NO, you're mama."  But, when greeting his aunt and grandma, "Happy Mudder's Day, girls!"  So sweet.

What more could a mother want?  Except perhaps more little people to love and some pancakes?  I get both.  I know I am a very lucky person and I am grateful for it all.

One of the best gifts this year is what I have learned from the mommy friends I have made.  I feel like the greatest thing is knowing that each of us is a great mom in our own way.  I see how each of us does what we do differently.  I see how each of us, spends huge portions of our day trying to help our children be the best they can be, often with nothing to show for it by bed time.  It's pretty comforting to know that none of us really knows what we are doing, but we hope for the best, love each other and our kids and hubbies, and plow on through to the next day with a smile, a laugh, and sometimes a drink, when one is allowed.

When I was a new mommy I was so unsure and scared.  My husband was away most of the time.  My BF was a new mommy herself.  And, I had no faith in myself as a parent.  I think, at least for me, I needed time.  Time to see that I wasn't going to "ruin" my baby boy.  Now that he's nearly four, I can say that, yes, I have probably spoiled him and created a bit of a sissy/mama's boy, but NO, I have not ruined him.  All in all, I am still unsure, but not scared.  I have faith that my best is enough.

Last night I couldn't sleep and I found myself on the floor of my walk-in closet reading through my old journals.  The following entry was written on October 17, 1993.  I had just turned 18.  I had had one of those experiences where someone had asked me what my "happy place" was.  Here is what I wrote: (I tried to scan and upload the image of the actual journal page, but alas, photoshop is thwarting me)

"My happy place is my home.  My home.  My home that I make, my home with the family I make.  My husband, my children...the happiest place in the world.  The most important thing in the world to me, BC, is a happy, healthy family.  Loving, trusting, and happy - the works.  I wonder if it is too wild a dream sometimes.  How can it be though?  My dream is to make a happy family.  If I have faith in me, I can do that, RIGHT?  Well I am going to try my best!"

Man, I was one sappy teenager.  I used to refer to this happy place as "the grand ultimate wish."  No wonder I scared off all the guys.  (In case you were wondering, by the time I met Papabear, a few months later, I had figured out that you don't TELL guys these kinds of dreams...at least not in the first month or two.)  It amazing to me to read through those years - the overall theme is I was searching, desparately, for a "home of my own" so to speak.  I felt displaced at both my mom's and my dad's.  Loved, but displaced.  Anyway, I feel truly grateful that I didn't run Papabear off with my desparate need for "home" at such an early age. 

Okay, enough of this.  You probably want to get back to your cooking dinners, tv shows, dogs to walk, little people to entertain or change or love.  Here are some pictures of late.

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 Man, I am so huge already.  I never get that basketball belly - just giant-ness.  Let's just move along quickly... Littleman is definitely going through a "dress-up" phase.

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  He very rarely lets me give him a mohawk, so I thought I'd document the one time.

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When things bite you in the butt...

Sometimes we get what we ask for.  And sometimes, those things bite us in the butt.  For instance, in an attempt to encourage Littleman to be more independent, he now has to get dressed before he gets breakfast or his beloved pbskids in the morning.  The last four mornings he appeared in our bedroom fully dressed AND his pajamas were not on the floor, but in his hamper!  Papabear and I made such a fuss in order to praise and encourage him.  Well...Littleman is so pleased with his ability to dress himself, that he has now taken to multiple outfit changes throughout the day.  This wouldn't be so bad, except that Littleman's clothes ALWAYS seem to attract dirt or food, hence, my laundry loads are getting bigger.   This is not quite a huge bite in the butt, maybe just a nibble.  I'm glad he's finally dressing himself.  I can't deal with that in September when he start preschool three days a week and I have a newborn.  Nipping that one in the bud now.

Here's a bigger bite.  For years Papabear and I have argued about putting the toilet seat down.  I'm sure this argument is no stranger to any of you.  He argued that I should leave it up for him, I argued that since I don't have a choice but to sit down for both of my businesses, out of courtesy he should leave it down for me.  It literally took me falling into the toilet at three am, 8 months pregnant with Littleman, and screaming bloody murder, for my argument to stick.  Since then Papabear has been pretty consistent with putting the seat down.   Since we moved into this house two months ago, though, something strange has begun to occur.  Papabear has started putting both the seat AND the lid down.  My butt coldly learned this at 2 am one morning.  Now, when I have to get up all those wretched times in the middle of the night I have to remember to put the lid up.  A pain in my butt, similar to a bite in my butt.  I seriously can't complain to my husband to put the seat down BUT not the lid.  What kind of naggy bitch would I be then?  Aaahhh, life.  She's got a funny sense of humor.

Oh, had my first breastfeeding dream last night.  When I was prego with Littleman I had two very disturbing breastfeeding dreams, before I even knew about my dreadfully flat nipples and the problems they would pose.  Last night I dreamt I was at a playdate and all these moms just whipped out their boobs, their babies effortlessly latched on and began eating.  I looked down at my beautiful baby boy, who looked up at me hopefully.  I took out an enormous boob, bigger than the baby's head, and attempted to steer the little guy's mouth.  First attempt was unsuccessful, the surface of the boob was flat as a sheet of ice.  Attempt #2 was more successful, baby latched on.  I watched the side of his head to see if he was swallowing and it seemed like he was.  After a few moments the baby fell asleep and "detached" himself from me.  I looked down at my breast, it appeared full, but no matter how I squeezed there just wasn't any milk.  So I stared down at my sleeping little angel and just wondered if he was full of air or just really, really tired.....

Yeah, not the weirdest dream...and not all that disturbing.  I'm really not worrying about it.  If it works out, it works out. If not, not.  I find it interesting how my brain is trying to work it out for me.

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Perhaps the best yet...

I was crying throughout filming this little number.  He'd already been dancing to some Phil Collins and other nonsense Papabear was playing on my computer.  SO, if you look closely, you can see that my boy is glistening a little with sweat.

Put on your volume, sit back, and enjoy the next 2 minutes.

Danceman

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