Where I'm headed....

So, this is the hill I'll be living on...at least for the summer. You couldn't really ask for a more beautiful, peaceful spot to be. This is, hands down, my most favorite place on earth. The boys spent hours throwing rocks in the lake in the past few days and I look forward to a summer filled with muddy toes and dirty shovels.

It's so funny how I try so very hard to make a plan....it's funny because we rarely actually get to 'live the plan.' I thought I'd live on this hill for a year...now...I'm not so sure. I'm not sure I can handle living in my mom's house (even if she'll be in NJ most of the time) and the job that was right down the road did not pan out. So, back to the drawing board I go.

I'm glad I'm flexible. When I got the call that I did not get the job, I had a few moments of breathless panic. The classic, "omg, what am I going to do now" attack of emotions. I wanted to crawl under a rock...or blanket and cry my eyes out. Turns out, I was at the park with the boys, surrounded by many women and children I did not know, so the whole 'losing it' scenario wasn't going to work. Despite the migraine and feelings of desperation, I pulled it together. I pushed Finn on the swings and watched Liam dig a hole in the sand and bit the inside of my cheek.

Later, my mom took us to the beach where I taught Liam how to body surf. (Still with a migraine, but I wasn't going to let that ruin a beautiful afternoon by the ocean.) Sitting on the sand, watching the boys run in and out of the low tide surf, smelling the sea wind, I felt myself regrouping. Bill called a couple times throughout the day and, after 17 years, knew exactly what to say - "It's all going to work out." Honestly, other than a hug, that is the only thing I want to hear when world crumbles in a way I didn't want it to.

I am not sure where I will be in September. I am not sure where Liam will go to first grade. I don't know if I'll have a job, if Finn will be in day care....I kind of don't know anything except that after July 2, I'll be on the hill by the lake for an indefinite amount of time. Oh, I also know that no matter what, I plan on throwing the greatest pumpkin carving party ever on October 15...but really, other than that, I don't know anything. Being a natural-born planner, this is really hard for me....so if I seem distracted or frazzled, it's because, even though I don't have any solid info, I will always be trying to work out a plan for our future.

So, there it is folks. I am headed into the great unknown....see ya there!