The Elephant in the Room...

Do you remember learning about this concept?  I was actually at a summer camp orientation for Double H - I think I was 19.  I thought it was brilliant.

Now, I am sad to say, I AM the elephant in the room.  Literally.  Walk into my life and what will you see?  Here, let me paint the picture:
-A nice little house over our heads. 
-Two healthy, happy, relatively behaved little boys,
-A happy marriage - we still get on each others' nerves about stupid things, but we laugh and hug and kiss and yeah,...that too.  We have love in our lives every day.
-I've come light years in terms of my relationship with my mom - I think we are both really happy with where we are and how we relate to each other.  Which is HUGE.  Seriously.
-I have friends I love.
-I have siblings I love.
-I even kind of love my dog now....no, I really do love him.
-I have chickens that I love!!!
-I have a job I love.

I am super, super lucky.

And then there's the darn elephant.  The THING that has been at me most of my life.  My weight.  Seriously, I weigh roughly the same as a premature baby elephant.  Uch.  I disgust myself.  I laugh at this and am disgusted simultaneously.  I am 5 lbs shy of what I weighed the day I gave birth to Finn!  Yeah, I am just laying it all out there.  It's gross.

And I don't want sympathy or advice.  Trust me, I have talked this issue to death with friends, siblings, coworkers (I have this whole 'poster child for heart disease' schtick that they love), strangers waiting in line at the grocery store.  (Does that surprise you?  I should think not!)

I have an excuse list about 15 miles long about why it's been so hard for me to exercise, blah, blah, blah.

I eat WAY too much.  Didn't help that I was baking bread and rolls like a mad woman earlier in the year.  (I am happy to report that I only bake for one family other than my own now.   It definitely helps to not have hot rolls on the cooling rack on a regular basis.)

Why must I enjoy food so much?

Oh.  And have I told you about the curse my 6th grade science teacher put on me?  On a progress report he called me "inconsistent."  I didn't know what it meant at the time and at the parent/teacher conference he explained it to me.  I, for no clear reason at all, did well some tests and not well on other tests. That word has hovered over me ever since.  It is totally true.  I start an exercise routine and then I quit.  I started running and then I quit.  I start writing a book or three and let it fizzle.  Disgusting.

The only thing I am consistent with is my love of food, movies, all things magical, and my peeps.  You know my love for you never falters...and I often express it by baking you something and sharing it.  Oh.  And Diet Coke.  I consistently keep drinking that wretched chemical crap in a cup.

Well.  That felt good.  I DID do a step aerobics video tonight and the day before yesterday.  I'd like to say that I'll be doing that EVERY afternoon while the kids cry that they can't watch Cartoon Network and the dog keeps barking at my heels as I hop around in my too tight exercise clothes that can ONLY be worn in my basement in view of my clueless little boys.  But I am not going to say it.  I am going to hope it.

Stupid inconsistent. I WILL DEFEAT YOU.  I will not have a heart attack at 45.  I will be an attractive mom...I'm not saying I'm ugly OR that looks are important.  But I want to be a healthy mom.  A good role model for my kids.  (The attractive part would just be a perk.) My kids  SHOULD be enough inspiration.  Honestly! 

I am trying.  What else can I do?

Please, smile at this post.  Chuckle at the way I enjoy laughing at myself.  I am grateful that the worst thing in my life is my weight and something I can actually fix.  And now that I have typed that...I think I will harness my inspiration from the people I know who are touched by health issues they cannot fix.  I will make myself healthy for THEM.