Yeah, so this is going to be one of those vent-type posts, so go ahead and skip it if you're not in the mood. There are some lovely pictures below from my previous post.
I hate to admit:
-that I have kept my size 8 and size 6 Ann Taylor skirts this long. What on earth was I thinking??? Did I really believe I would ever fit into those adorable skirts again? I filled THREE ginormous garbage bags with clothes and shoes two days ago. I literally tried on every top and most of the pants/skirts I could just toss in the good-will pile. I do plan to lost weight (when have I not?), but let's be realistic. Size 6??? I don't think so. I'll be happy with 10 - thrilled. Which leads me to...
-my relationship with food continues to be the worst one in my life. I am happy to report that I have pretty healthy relationships with my parents, siblings, and friends, but food? No. Which leads me to...
-being a stay at home mom has made me lazy. It's an embarrassing and ugly truth I really don't like to face. When I was working I was my best self. I seemed to manage so much more AND keep the house clean (relatively). I am home all day and my house is a mess, I hardly ever exercise, and what is my excuse??? I haven't taught Liam to read or even add - what am I doing with all this time? This gift? Facebooking? It disgusts me that I let myself get like this.
-Finn is weaning himself. What I hate about it is that it feels completely natural. He's happy and growing. I've been giving him formula to get him fatter and used to it (he inevitably needed to be on it by one-ish anyway). I imagined that weaning was going to be this painful process for him, that he'd be crying and begging for my boob. I didn't realize, since this is my first time, that he would just decide that he was done with me. He nurses like a champ first thing in the morning, thank goodness for that - our special time before anyone else is up. But, during the day he can't be bothered with being all cuddled up and close to me - the world is just too exciting. I can't blame him, it is pretty cool out here. The evening "nursing" is a bit more problematic. I had let him nurse to sleep while we were traveling - but that is not a habit I want him to get used to...SO, I have to cut the "falling asleep on mommy" thing...even though I love it so....Well, it's been a beautiful 10 and a half months. I will offer myself to him as long as he'll take me (well, up to a point, of course), but it seems as though he is moving on. :(
-It irks me that I might be a better librarian than parent. I mean, on a full time basis. I know I am a good parent, but I might be a better one if I spend a few hours being professional me, rather than mommy all day long. Liam is SO emotional...I can only think that he is this way b/c he spends all his waking hours with me. What have I done to that poor boy? Oy. I pray that kindergarten will help.....
I thought I had more to complain about...but it seems as though the well has run dry. I hope I am not coming off as unhappy. I am. I just have a lot on my mind...and it feels good to get it out. (I hate to admit that I don't really write in my journal anymore. It is so much more satisfying to know a couple of people might read my thoughts and comment and or give me a call to discuss....) Kind of pathetic...and kind of not.
Just my 2 cents...Liam may also be emotional just because that's the way he is. But peer pressure changes many things.
ReplyDeleteI don't think being a SAHM has made you lazy. By definition SAHMs are NOT lazy because we're working our butts off taking care of children all day. I think the hot humid Texan air has made you lazy. ;-)
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