Sweet stuff....

Here's a jumble of US. Finn had had enough right about then...the best one is below. Keep scrolling...

Check out my gin-normous cupcake! It is so super cool and Liam had a blast making it. Not that I need more baked goods in my life, but I bought this mostly so I could bring the coolest treat to play dates, parties, and such (really, I swear). (And for the record, if I still lived in NY, Lori Fenoff would have bought this for me because she is, officially, the best gift buyer in the world. And this is one of the coolest baking gadget-y toys ever.) So feast your eyes on my grandioso cupcake wonder!

And just look at this. The cutest photo yet of me and the Finny Finn. So sweet....

Grace of Mother Nature

Ahhh, Mother Nature. My beliefs in a higher power often revolve around her. As a human, I feel connected to the earth and so, Mother Nature is often the "god" I talk to. For example, on Thursday, my 35th birthday, I thanked Mama N for the two zits that appeared on my face, for they were truly the circa 15-year-old-type - painful and ready to burst - and they definitely made me feel more like a teenager than a thirty-something.

And today, she did me a solid. Last night I finally decided to stop nursing Finn completely. We were only nursing once, at 5:30 in the morning, in my bed....and let's face it, that's no way to nurse. I'm not even awake to enjoy it, and his kicking and fussing disrupts Bill's sleep, not to mention mine. Finny doesn't need the nourishment, he just wants a cuddle. And, the worst part is that I let this become a habit - EVERY morning, at 5:30 on the dot, he's up crying. Bill and I, even though we are getting a full night's sleep, have been dragging our butt's all week because Finny has us up at the crack of dawn.

SO, anyway, I realized I had to stop this. It was all me. I know I was just hanging on to that last bit of nursing time....so special and sacred and intimate and lovely and ours: just me and Finn. Sigh. It's hard to let it go, knowing I am not planning more little ones.

This morning, right on cue, Finn started his wailing at 5:30. I let him go and wouldn't you know it, he stopped after only five or ten minutes. The hardest part was at 6:30. He woke up with again and screamed and screamed and screamed. I knew he was fine, that he was mostly angry because I wasn't coming to get him. I didn't really sleep, but I didn't go to him either. I want to start our day at 7, so I waited until then.

Here's where Mother Nature comes in. I grabbed his sippy cup of formula and took him out on the back porch. He sat, curled in my lap, quiet and peaceful, looking out at the pouring rain. And while the steady rain seemed to calm Finn, the grayness matched my feelings perfectly. I felt so sad to not be nursing. I was glad for the rain. I did not want some glorious morning of sunshine and humidity free fresh air. I did not want to celebrate this day of formula and real people food only. So, I thank Mother Nature for her grace on this sort of sad morning.

I am happy to wean him, though. It's natural - the way Mama N intended. But, that does not mean it feels good...at that moment. Laying there in bed, hearing him cry, I knew I could go in there, one last time....but I didn't. I had to be the grown up...and act my age for a change.

Age

Today I am 35. Yay! Happy Birthday to Me! While in the shower a few minutes ago, I had some thoughts about the word, "old."

Old is generally not a word I associate with people. Truly. Things that come to mind when I say the word "old" are: books that I've held onto since I was a little girl, my Mormor's gold watch that I have tucked in a drawer, the dust bunny behind my bed, the Jeep my brother drove when he was in high school, the Canadian bacon I bought for Bill that he never eats and keeps tucking further back in the fridge (I should throw that away...like now...just a sec...okay, back). Castles are old, the tree on the lake in NY is old. People are only on the planet for such a short time, how can they be old?

Well...truth be told, there are old people all around us, but it has nothing to do with their age. I've met people my age and younger that carry around regret, bitterness, and all sorts of negative baggage, and that, my friends, makes them old. My dad drives a Harley to work every day, my mom climbs mountains in the summer, I still buy things like ball pits under the pretense it's for my little boys. We are as young as we want to be.

Embrace the day - it will be a good one!

Oh, how time flies.

I made a little movie today. A clip of Liam and his best buddy Luke - first when they are around two, close to three years old and then cut to last week when they were discussing first grade/kindergarten. It is amazing to see how little they were only a few years ago! Luke will be six on Friday! I remember the morning he was born...answering my phone next to my bed in my little crooked bedroom in Castleton...sigh....a week later I found out Liam was on the way. Seems like a hundred years ago and yesterday all at once.

Speaking of time, I am going to be 35 years young in less than two weeks. How unexpected. Well, not, entirely. I've celebrated my birthday on the same day for...well...35 years. But, 35 sounds so, mature...so grown up... And, well, I am just not either one of those things. Sure, I have kids, a gut, and a mortgage...but I'd rather be jumping on a trampoline than sipping wine, sled riding than discussing politics, building sand castles rather than beefing up my resume. I think a lot of people let their age define them. I am glad I don't.

And maybe I have matured a little bit. One thing I can do now, better than I have been able to in...forever, really, is truly appreciate my mother. Why does it take so darn long for women to figure out their mommy-issues??? And I'm not saying our relationship is perfect, BUT, we finally....sort of get one another. It has literally taken me decades to realize I can respect and love her even though we often have different takes on the world. Seriously, that ONE tiny sentence has taken years and YEARS to make sense and come to fruition. But it feels so good, SO GOOD, to talk to her now. I want her advice, her thoughts...and while its frustrating that I spent years "repelling" her input, it makes the years to come all the more welcoming. So, thank you, 35, for making me so mature.

Oh right...there was a video...I hope it uploads okay. The quality here at blogger doesn't seem to be as nice as my old blog...but hey, it's free. The video is also on Facebook, where the quality might be better. Enjoy.

Also, I don't think I've posted this video of Liam and I ice skating at the mall. He has an amazing natural talent. I love, LOVE going with him. We are trying to go every Saturday as a special "mommy and me" time. It was taken on Bill's iPhone, so sorry for the small size.

Pockets...

Let's see if I can figure out how to upload this...If I do, here's a video of the boys dancing to one of the great songs off my brother's new album. If you'd like to download it for free you can here: https://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dDYwLVR5eVY0TTEtTTlrUGFfaDh6WHc6MQ

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Crossing over...

okay...so I am figuring this out...

OMG

So Vox is closing on September 30th.  Where, oh where will I rant and rave and post pics of my cutie pies???  Some other blog site, I'm sure...but WHAT a pain in the butt.  I printed out the first year and a half or so of my blog...but after filling a second binder...it got kind of ridiculous. I will hate to lose all of this....I'll keep you updated on where I move my nonsense.

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