Catching up...

SO, I have been catching up on my reading.  Oh, you didn't know?  I've only read the last two Harry Potter's since Littleman was born (more or less).  However, now that he is finally playing independently and sleeping a tiny bit longer, I have actually read a few novels.  In the past I favored Young Adult lit....well, I still favor it, but I have not read one in a long while, mostly because I haven't had any recommendations.  SO, I have been reading the hand-me-downs of friends and family...mostly adult lit.  And thus far, I am searching for a happy ending...or something that doesn't leave me with a "har-umph" when I am done.

 

As previously stated, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, was on the sad side.  A good read, but sad.

Memory

 

 

Piano

Then, I moved on to my mother's hand me down, The Piano Tuner, by Daniel Mason.  It was...hmmm...okay, I guess.  I enjoyed the desciptions of 19th century Burma, but I found the plot a little dry...kind of like the drought the Burmese were experiencing at the time.  I could have liked a different ending. 

Forgive me for being a sap - I like happy endings.  That's why I read FICTION.  I love the tickle in my chest I get from a couple/kid/family/dog/whatever that gets what he/she/they want in the end, even if it's contrived!  It doesn't often happen like that in real life and that is why I like to melt into the fictional world created by competent writers. (Speaking of melting, my SIL gave me a chocolate fondu thing for Christmas, I am totally psyched to try that out...mmmm...yum....oh, back to books...)

I have just started, A Great and Terrible Beauty, by Libba Bray.  My 12 year old sister loaned this to me just before I left Arizona...who is borrowing it from her grandmother - a very hip, college advisor.  I have high hopes for

Greatand

 this one.  I think it actually is YA...so far, only because the protagonist is 16. 

SO, if you have any good suggestions, please send them my way.  I am ready to read!

Hope this blog wasn't too boring.  I had the need to write about books.

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Christmas Cheer

JingleBells

Christmas Greetings!!!  So Christmas in Texas is lovely.  I thought I'd miss snow, but I don't...not yet, anyhow.  It was in the 40's last night when we walked PapaBear's parents to their car so it felt like Christmas when we waved at the full moon hoping for a glimpse of Santa.  Our dinner party was lovely, every one seemed to have a good time and the food - contributed by all who attended - was delicious.  

Littleman was SO excited about our party.  He talked about it for days and shouted "Merry Christmas" to everyone when they walked in.  Uncle Dave...I mean SANTA, made an appeance, and Littleman was beside himself.  The toys, wrapping paper, and smiles filled Christmas tree lit room.  It was a wonderful Christmas eve.

And the best part of all?  Waking up in my own home on Christmas day.  That hasn't happened....since...well...to be honest, after the divorce waking up on Christmas morning was never the same. (I'm not saying it was bad, or anything like that, it just...well...)  Let's just say there was a healing quality, a "total state of contentment" quality, about waking up in my own home, with my husband and child on Christmas day.  I treasured it and every one to follow.

Was it sad to hear the Christmas eve festivities back in NJ over the phone?  Yes, a little.  Last year I cried like a baby when I called home to say, "Merry Christmas."  Last night I kept it together.  I only felt the tears sting at the sound of my mother's voice...it was a good stinging, folks.  She really makes Christmas special and last night was my attempt to start a lot of her traditions with my own little family.  I really miss her at Christmas.

I miss my friends, too.  I miss you guys so much, you have no idea.  I hope all of you, every one reading this, is having a wonderful holiday season.  I should try to tidy up the living room while Littleman naps.  We're having dinner at the SIL's in an HOUR! ARG!  Well, very quickly I'll add some festive pics below.  ALSO, I am done with the "fake name" thing.  I'll keep Littleman and Papabear and the people who I know don't want to be named.  

Happy Holidays

Thespread

Santahelper

Papabear

Goodtimes

Blueguitar

Toys

Here are my boys at 1:26 pm on Christmas Day...

Naptime

Ho ho ho!

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The healing power of gingerbread

SO, things seem to be getting better.  I bought a pre-baked gingerbread house kit and we assembled it last night.  The construction crew consisted of Littleman, two uncles, two aunts, and myself.  We had such a great time.  Below are some pictures of our visit here in AZ.  It's actually pretty chilly, so Littleman and I had to buy sweatshirts at the zoo.  We looked a little dorky, but we were warm. 

The Gingerbread Team - how do you like Littleman's frosting goatee?

Gingerbread

Our finished house.

 

Gingerbread2

Phoenix Zoo:

Zoo

 

Zoo2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And how cool is my dad?  Here he is on his new Harley and my brother on the Honda.  Can you believe I'm related to such coolness?  Me either.

 

Harley

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Ruining things....

Before I became a mother, I sometimes ruined things.  Sometimes, I would say the wrong thing and ruin a lovely afternoon or conversation.  Sometimes I would ruin clothes because I am a careless eater, I play like a child, and I often get involved with arts and crafts-like-projects.  I have ruined meals because I have no sense of what things taste good together or how long or short to cook things.  I ruined things sometimes and I still do.  But, even when I sensed I was over cooking the asparagus or realizing the salad dressing was NOT going to wash out of my new pants, it never really bothered me.  Stuff gets ruined, no big deal.

 

But, now I am a mother...and there are days...days like today, when I feel like I am just ruining my boy.  I'll admit, it was worse when I was a new mom.  Every time I did something against the APA (American Pediatrics Association) I was sure I was ruining my baby.  It didn't help having a BF who does everything by the book and her little ones are perfect. ;) However, when Littleman turned out okay around his first birthday, that sense of ruin began to fade and only surfaced from time to time.

 

Now, though, it has begun to surface a bit more than I'd care to admit.  I have dragged this little boy all over the country and I am beginning to feel really bad about it.  Littleman cried and cried for his daddy today.  Oh, did I forget to mention that Littleman and I are in Arizona visiting family for two weeks and Papabear is home studying for the boards?  Yes, just two weeks after we settled into our new home we are off again. Well, Littleman also cried for his "new house. Mommy, just take me to the new house. Just take me home.  I want to go home."  And, the cherry on top, "I miss daddy. Daddy loves me. I miss daddy so much."  Okay, Littleman, we'll call daddy, his response, "I'll be so happy.  Talk to daddy."  My heart is breaking.  He had a massive meltdown at a sporting goods store today  I felt like such a terrible mother. Not only did Littleman run away from me and hide in the winter coats section while I was paying, I had to drag him out, kicking and screaming and biting.  It was awful.  Just awful.

 

Oh wait, I have another cherry to add to my sundae of ruined boy.  Tonight, Littleman took over an hour to fall asleep...with me lying beside him singing the same three lullabies over and over.  Was his lack of sleep due to being in an unusal bed in an unfamiliar room? Perhaps a little.  Was it due to missing his daddy? Yes, a bit of that, too.  But the REAL culprit?  HBO.  A movie, *My Super Ex-Girlfriend,* was left on and Littleman caught the part where she gets her superpowers (by touching a firey hot meteor that blows off her braces and levitates her while she "smokes."  As I walked in from putting away laundry, Littleman turned to me and said, "I scared. She hurt. I don't like it."  SO, tonight, in between each lullaby this is what my son said to me, "She hurt, mama.  Her hand is too hot. It's burning." or "Her teeth hurt, mama.  The girl has a boo boo."  Aaaahhhh, the joys of motherhood blunders.

 

One of my brothers tried to put things into perspective for me: "Children all over the world suffer much worse and turn out just fine."  Even our own childhood, clouded by an ugly divorce and 14 moves before I left for college turned out fairly okay people.  But, all I have ever wanted to be was a good mother and I feel like I am just abyssmal.  I know I am not abyssmal every day...but today...ug, I just want to forget about today.  I don't want to suck at the most important job of my life. 

 

Clearly, I am suffering from a lack-of-self-esteem moment.  Arizona is lovely this time of year, even a bit chilly! Shocking.  Tomorrow morning I will start a-fresh by NOT ruining pancakes for Littleman and all of his aunts and uncles who I am staying with!

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We've been elfed!

Click the link below for an EXCELLENT surprise!!!!

 

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1186926844

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