I should have been Native American

It is clear to me that I should have been born a Native American...or perhaps an early pioneer woman.  I have felt this way most of my life (I have also felt that in another life I must have been a blue whale, an elephant, and/or a mermaid...but that's another blog).  Instinctually, I prefer a simple life.  For as long as I can remember all I have ever dreamed of was being a mother and creating/nurturing a relatively happy family.  Okay, so I stumbled onto librarianship and it turned out I am really good at it, but at the heart of that profession...or my desire to excel in it, is taking care of and helping people.  Seriously, I have never dreamed of wealth or stardom...or anything close, just family.

My point is I wish I were part of a world where families stay close together.  It just doesn't seem realistic anymore.  Every part of the world is available to people now...and I completely understand the desire, even the need, to explore and wander and find places that suit ones style/personality/needs.  In my heart of hearts, though, and I feel that this goes against so much of what is "popular" now-a-days, I wish my whole family were in tipis or longhouses along the same riverbank...or farmhouses spread out in the same county.  Even though being in close proximity to some of my family members can be stressful at times, I would bet that the good times out weigh the bad ones.  And when bad ones arise, you are together.

Being here, in Texas, for this...time...has been...amazing - the good, the bad, and the tragically sad, all of it amazing and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  However, if my mom were to get sick, or my dad, or one of my siblings, could I leave to be by their side?  Sadly, no, not on such a permanent level.  All of this occured at a time in our lives when we could make it happen...now, we simply couldn't afford it.  And that is what is so frustrating for me.  Why does it have to be this way?  Why do families scatter to the wind?  Because it is just the way of the world. 

As much as I would love to raise Littleman, send him off to college and have him come back and set up his life very close to mine, I would NEVER dream of requiring it...I'll always hope that he (and his future sibling, whenever he or she can come) will want to be near us, but the world is their oyster, too, and I will have to let them find their own way and happiness in it.

Here are some pictures I took recently.  Littleman had a haircut a couple of days ago - it is SHORT.  I took this first picture this morning, so he has a bit of bedhead.

 

Haircut

A circus drove through town last weekend.  We swung by to admire the elephants.

 

Elephant

      I recently bought Littleman some flip-flops.  He loves them...but cannot walk in them very well.  Yes, you might detect a hint of pink nail polish on his big toes...he was refusing to nap and caught me doing my nails.  What could I do?

 

 

Flip

Here is Littleman giving Reesie a treat on Easter Sunday.

 

Easter

Finally, if you are bored and would like to see yourself as some kind of wild animal, check out this website.  You can even print out your results.  I have to say, I look wonderful as an elephant. :)

http://www.buildyourwildself.com/

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I bought a black dress

My father-in-law passed away on Wednesday morning surrounded by his loved ones.  Today was his funeral.  For someone who usually overflows with words, I cannot find ones to describe this great and devastating loss...so I will fill this space with the gifts that tremendous man gave me:

PAPABEAR PAPABEAR PAPABEAR PAPABEAR PAPABEAR

which led to LITTLEMAN.

Pizza with blue cheese - SO much of it.

Treating me like one of his daughters since the day we met some 14 years ago.

Always slipping Papabear a twenty when we were in college so we could see a movie or get a bite to eat.

EVERY time he visited me and Papabear, before he left he would fill our freezer with at least two months worth of chicken, steak, hot dogs, ground beef, and the like.  I will always do that for my children when they are living on their own.

His GENEROSITY knew no ends.

A weekend at the Westin hotel in San Antonio - one of the most fun times we had as a family before little ones entered our lives.

LOTS of lobster and steak

He always went out and bought the soda I liked when he knew we were coming for a visit.  I didn't even have to ask.

Our first extension ladder

His unconditional love for his children is the most important gift of all.  My children will benefit and glow and blossom from his love and generosity through me and Papabear.

 

I know you are wondering how Littleman is doing...for the most part he is just confused and tired as the last few days have been so hectic.  We have so much family visiting, I think he thinks it's Thanksgiving again...we'll see what happens next week when life presumably returns to normal.  He asked to go up to "grandpa's room" as we were leaving their house this evening...he was diverted with kisses and hugs from cousins...for now that will do. Earlier I explained that grandpa is in heaven where his boo-boos are all better...and that we are sad because we'll miss him.  But Littleman is only two and a half (nearly three, now) and just said, "All better is good." As I said, for now that will do.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, plants, flowers/bouquets (especially the edible one - Littleman was particularly fond of the chocolate dipped pineapple hearts), and kind words.  It's hard to do this without your hugs, but knowing that you are thinking about us really does help.

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The bottom of my heart

Usually, on regular days of my life, I feel my heart beating from the top. Little things that Littleman will say or do, the kiss hello or goodbye from Papabear, the piece of dark chocolate I savor after lunch...these things keep my heart beating from a place I imagine is the top - it feels light and even tickles from time to time.  But, at the moment, I am at the bottom.  There is a sadness and a hollowness that thuds at the lower end of my chest.  Papabear's papa is so very weak and I sense can only be hanging on by a thread.  Every one is trying so hard to put on a brave face...I don't have enough hugs. (to give or to get)

Some of my family visited recently and it was wonderful...a wonderful distraction.  They filled every minute with love and hugs for me and Littleman.  I'll post pictures below, because the happy moments get us through the sad ones and it makes me happy to know you guys get to see the happy times here. Would you like me to say happy one more time? Alright. Happy.

I am taking Niacin to help lower my cholesterol (in addition to eating a boatload of salad and oatmeal, no more fun fatty food, and exercising).  Niacin is really just a vitamin, but MAN, does it have some side effects.  The goal is to get up to 1500mg a day...(it can lower all the numbers by as much as 20% over a 6 month period) currently I have been only taking 250 and today I am up-ing it to 500.  WELL...when Papabear told me there would be "flushing" I THOUGHT he meant my already pinky skin would simply turn scarlet for a while. Sadly, I was incorrect...for the most part.  Yes, my skin turns scarlet for about 45 minutes, however, in addition to the color, my skin CRAWLS and BURNS like I am on fire from the inside.  I swear to you that it feels like every french fry I have ever eaten is literally coming back to bite me.  SO, I can't really complain, because I did this to myself.  It is wretched.  The 500mg is pretty strong...I pretty much have to sit very still for almost an hour for it to pass.  I usually do it near bedtime, but I wanted to get it overwith today.  Fun times.

The first picture I will post will be one I took of Littleman at swim class today.  I was able to take it because I NO LONGER need to be in the pool with him!  He is in the big kid, "independent" class.  Yes, I am swelling with pride.  He is doing so well and he loves it so much.  Even though they are expensive, the classes are worth every penny.

 

Swim

Here are Littleman's aunts and uncle from Arizona.  He loves them all, who couldn't?

 

Unclea.ster

 

J.ster

 

A.ster

Below is the little guy and his youngest aunt at the Fort Worth Zoo (an EXCELLENT zoo, by the way, as Littleman and I are quickly becoming experts.  Thus far he has been to the following zoos in his short time here on earth: Phoenix Zoo, Dallas Zoo, Fort Worth Zoo, Staten Island Zoo, Central Park Zoo, The Catskill Game Farm, Cape May Zoo, and the National Zoo in Washington, DC.  That's eight!

 

Zoo2

 

Zoo

Finally, can you believe these two are grandparents??? Technically, one is a "step-grandparent" but still, they are a good looking bunch of family!

 

Gp

 

Carosel

 

Now I will go back to worrying every time the phone rings.  I hope all of you out there are doing well.  Even though my heart is sad, we are, for the most part, doing pretty good. 

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My Brother Will's site

My Brother Will's site

http://www.anyoneeverything.com/

My film maker brother, Will, has an awesome site. Check it out.

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Enjoying snow...

And you guys thought I'd have to miss it!  Well, I DO miss sled riding, but we enjoyed what we were given!  These photos were taken at 9 this morning.  It is noon and all but a few patches have melted away.  Check out our 6 inch Texas Snowman!

 

Snowmantex

 

Snow2

 

Snow1

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Be Still My Beating (cholesterol-filled) Heart!

LOOK AT THAT!  SNOW in my front yard on March 3rd in TEXAS!!!!  I was wearing shorts and a tank top on Saturday...and now snow!  Weather sure is funny out here...doubt we'll see much more of the white stuff.

 

Snow

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WHAT is he saying???

SO, the other night, Littleman started saying something at the dinner table over and over and over again.  View the video for a sample and try to figure it out BEFORE reading the rest below!

 

What

After many, many minutes I realized that the phrase sounded familiar...similar to something  I'd been hearing on the television a lot lately.  He's recently discovered Disney's Toy Story.  So I asked Littleman, "Is what your saying from TV?"

"Yes."

"Who says it?"

"The bad boy."

And it dawned on me!  He was copying Sid (the evil next door neighbor) when he "interrogates" Woody.  And I said to Papabear, he is saying, "Where is the rebel base? TALK!"

Well, Papabear and I nearly died from lack of breath.  It was probably the last thing we'd ever imagine our two year old saying.  We hadn't laughed that hard together in a while.  Both of us were crying. Littleman was very proud of his ability to crack us up and now repeats the line...about every other minute!

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Don't have a heart attack...

Okay, so I just got some blood test results...basically,  my cholesterol is so bad I could have a heart attack...alright, I'm exaggerating...a little.  It's actually bad enough to warrant medication, BUT, since I want to get pregnant within a year, that is not really an option.  So, no more eggs, ice cream, red meat, cheese...I can live without all that, I don't even eat red meat in general...but pizza???? We JUST found an AMAZING pizza place - best pizza in a LONG time - better than any pizza I EVER had in Smalbany!  *sniff, sniff*  How sad.  Well, on a positive note, at least I've started exercising regularly. 

Salad and oatmeal, hear I come...

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