Firmer ground

Today our potential buyers stopped by to take some measurements. I arranged for Bill to get the kids out of the house and I planned to park myself on the back porch with a book to stay out of their way.

Well, things went very differently, in a good way. The couple was friendly and excited about the house. A few minutes in they revealed that their two boys were out in the car (it's sweltering here). As I invited them in, Bill turned up with our boys. Well, next thing you know, it's nearly a play date. Liam was showing the boys their future rooms and all the cool nooks and crannies our house has to offer. By the time they left, an hour later, they had purchased a HUGE chunk of our furniture and left me feeling like we really did sell our house.

Whew.

I guess the only things I have to worry about are: a bad inspection (but the house is only 3 years old, so it can't go bad...right? Don't answer that - I'll find out on Thursday) and their financing falling through. BUT, the latter isn't likely...

So, I feel like it's really going to happen. The truck is rented. Bill's return ticket to TX is purchased so he can finish out his contract. We just need to secure some jobs....I hope my next post reveals that I have an interview...we'll see....

I am so excited about spending the summer at the lake...and when my mom gets back from Norway, I'm sure I'll spend a week with her at the beach....aaahhhh, ocean, how I've missed you.

I need to go and put the finishing touches on Liam's birthday party favors...oh, and pack some more...for someone who has purged a BOAT LOAD of books...I sure do have a lot of books to pack. Ug.

Crunching craziness

So...numbers...

8 - states we'll drive through to get back to NY

1689 - roughly how many miles we'll have to drive

450 - approximately how many dollars in gas to get my Pathfinder from a to b.

987 - dollars to rent a 26 foot uhaul truck one

way

150 - how many boxes I will probably pack

2 - librarian positions I have applied for in the last few days

180 - the cost of full time day care for Finny Finn

0 - appropriate working librarian outfits I currently own

7 - yoga capris/pants that have been my uniform for the last three years

11 - the day in July we will drive away from Texas and no longer call it home

2 - epi-pens I will have to remember to pack carefully and not bury in the 150 or so boxes

24 - inflatable guitars we'll be giving out at Liam's upcoming 'rock star' party

590 - sighs over leaving such wonderful friends behind

820 - wistful gazes at the moon

4 - stinky feet I kissed at bedtime

0- offers on our house

22 - showings - favorite "feedback comment" - "kitchen is too close to the front door" wtf???

1 - diet coke I've had in more than two weeks - and it wasn't even a large from McDonalds!

30 - minutes I huff and puff on my elliptical at 6 in the morning

countless:

-hours of sleep I lose thinking about all t

his nonsense

I just had to get that out. I am excited about the two library positions I have applied for. I am bummed that the house hasn't even coaxed an offer out of someone and I think we might lower our price AGAIN just to sell it and be done with it. Oy. Trying not to think about that one too much. But, all in all, I am in general good spirits. My brother is driving through around the time of Liam's birthday, so that's got me excited. I'll be in NJ for my mom's 60th birthday in just a few weeks. Lots of good things

happening here. Lots of unknowns, too

...I'll leave ya with this pic of Liam at field day

.

Talker

So, Finn is not much of a talker. This video I took was the most he ever said in one sitting. He has not said "sky" since...still, it might be the cutest video of him I have to date. Enjoy.

Farm boy

The latest.

Just so you know, it is a miserable 90-something degrees here. I am sweating and sticky and quite miserable as I write this. But, as you know, I have a smile in my eyes and a laugh somewhere near by, because that is just me...and I have really cute, funny boys to make sure I don't wallow or feel sorry for myself for more than a second or two.

So, I did not get the job. I will not be a kindergarten teacher. They filled the position internally. It's fine, really. I'm supposed to be a librarian, anyway. I am trying so hard not to feel crushed. I am sure it is just one of many positions I will apply for in the upcoming months. I did, though, put a lot of stock into this position, hence this 'licking-my-wound' mope-iness I am feeling. It was my belief that if I got this job, every thing else would fall into place around it. Every thing concerning our move back to NY. Aaaah, how life never quite works out the way you think it will...

But, fear not, my north eastern friends - we are still coming. Bill has had a very good interview and I think he will have a lot of options. He won't have any trouble getting a nice job. Sadly, the market for school librarians is very, very small. Something will turn up, I know it will. I am ever hopeful and confident that things will work out just fine.

Other not very important, but moderately interesting updates:

-It has been a week since I have had ANY diet coke. I miss the delicious icy sweet stuff on hot afternoons like this one and sometimes when I am eating dinner. BUT, all in all, I am faring just fine without the junk.

-I have been hungry for a week...trying to eat better. Not going to weigh myself just yet though. Next week we'll see if any of this has paid off.

-In the meantime, the left over Mother's Day brownies that Bill bought found their way to the bottom of the trash this morning instead of my belly. The temptation was too hard to resist. I had to just chuck them...otherwise, especially after this afternoon's not-so-thrilling news, I would have eaten the whole lot of them in one sitting.

-A bit of housekeeping - I am beginning to acquire a pile of things that belong to my dear friends, the Nolans. I am hoping that typing this list will remind me to give it all back when they swing by tomorrow - two paperbacks, a kiddie picnic table, a cashmere scarf, and their son's first lost tooth. yeah, quite a list.

-Finally, Finn's hearing is perfect, as per his ENT visit this morning. So, he is clearly choosing to ignore me and talk in his own sweet time.

writing it out....

Today I just have to get it off my chest. There is so much about to boil over I might explode.

Finn has puked once a day for five out of the last seven days. Always in the afternoon/early evening. Always just the one time. We eliminated soy, watched what he ate very carefully...but we can't figure it out. He is not eating enough. Bill and I are sick with worry. I can't see gray hairs, but I know they are threatening to push right through my scalp. Today I take him to the pediatrician and make an appointment with the allergist. I will most likely have to take him to LabCorps for a blood draw.

Today is going to suck immensely.

Tomorrow I have been told I will get a call from the head of Human Resources at the school I applied to. My entire fate, my family's entire fate, my whole life at the moment hangs on the outcome of that conversation.

We have not sold our house. It is not looking good. We are thinking of putting it up for lease - which means we'd probably have to be out by July. We have a free place to say in NY, thank goodness...but leasing the house just means putting so many other things off....

Deep breath. This too shall pass.

AND, I have not had a diet coke since Monday. Or chocolate...not wait, I had a bit of a brownie sundae Bill's mom bought Liam. Still...I really want that diet coke, but I am not going to cave. Not now.

And on a really positive note, my troll story is nearly done and totally awesome thanks to my writing group. Yay for that.

heavy with it

While I was getting salad at the salad bar, Finn got his hands on Liam's milk that was left within arm's reach. Liam got it out of his hands pretty fast (so he says, I didn't see) and shouted across the restaurant to alert me. There was no way for me to know if he ingested any, so I gave him a dose of benedryl and waited. We go to this same salad bar every week after hip hop class. Two months, same routine. Today, we left in a shower of vomit.

Luckily, the ER-like facility that Bill works at was only a mile down the road. They shot Finny up with benedryl (since he puked out what I gave him) and steroids. After a short observation they let us go home. This is sadly becoming a familiar routine for us. I know what to look for. I can tell if it's going to be a really bad reaction by the way the skin around his lips changes color....now I just creep into his room every hour and make sure he's breathing.

It makes me sick. Bill is worse. Even though he's a medical professional, he is the color of old pavement when Finn is having a reaction. And his nerves are electric - I can feel it across the room. I try to stay calm. Sing to Finn so they can get a pulse/ox reading, keep Liam from jumping off the exam table...all the while I want to vomit and eat a chocolate cake/cheeseburger/pizza combo at the same time. I do neither. I sing, I wipe puke off Finn's cheeks and my sweatshirt.

I try to think of the ocean. Of the shore. In the thick of it, I'm being pounded by the wild waves, afterwards, littered with debris and mess, I wait for the calm of the tide to wash it all away. Feels like my life right now. A messy shore - each day the tide takes a little of the washed up seaweed and driftwood away.

My seaweed and driftwood mess:

My best friend is far, far away and needs me more than ever.

My house needs to be sold.

I need to get that job....I want it so bad I can taste it...and the waiting is its own storm.

My body is...the same mess it's been for years and if I want to live a long, healthy life, I need to steer it to a healthier shore.

And...that's about it. It feels a little better to write that all out. I don't feel so heavy with it after all. Perhaps because I am hungry as I did not get to finish my salad...look, I'm lighter already.