SO, trying to make friends is like having to hit the dating scene fifteen years AFTER I got out of it.
The scene: Local community center with open gym time for toddlers. Basically a gymnasium full of hula hoops, playground balls, scooters, tunnels, and other "fun" equipment laid out for the little ones.
The characters: Moms - moms of all ages and sizes. Moms with their only child, moms with their broods. Moms who came with their pals, moms who are desperate to meet SOMEONE who is friendly, nice to talk to, and has a kid their child will remotely get along with.
The pick up lines: "So, how old is yours?" "Mine acts the same way..." "Where did you get those shoes? I've been looking for ones just like that?" "How far apart are they?" "How long have you lived in the area?"
I have to tell you that it's dreadful. For someone who is so gregarious and outgoing you would think these types of meetups are a walk in the park. Not so, my friends, not so. If there are a few moms who already know each other, they seriously size you up. I'm not joking. If you are lucky your kid might do nice with theirs and they are forced to let you into their prized little circle. If your personality can make up for lack of stylish shoes, make-up, and accessories (which is a real thing out here), they might not chew you up and spit you out. BUT, if you tend to say the wrong thing or find everything funny (I can't help it, I just do) the circle tightens and as soon as Littleman's ball takes him to the other side of the gym, the circle is closed once more.
*Enormous sigh* I know, I know. I've only been to a couple of these things and I did actually meet two people who might want to talk to me again. But I had such a nice group of friends back east. Such a network of people who loved me and my kid. I had a best friend right down the road from me. Starting over is really hard. It doesn't help when I am 35 pounds overweight and feel about as attractive as an avocado. (I am working out five days a week...but the results are not over night, as you know, plus the food is REALLY good out here - damn that Tex-mex place down the street with it's chips!)
SO, kids, I am in the dating ring, once again. The playdate ring, that is. Wish me luck.
The dog park scene is much the same! You probably know that my girlfriend walks dogs for a living, so she gets to see the outs + ins of the parks from time to time, and I accompany her on days off. The parks crowd is an extremely cliquish bunch, constantly sizing up, breaking down, building each other up. We spend our time ignoring folks and playing with other people's dogs, but yeah, the pickup lines are prevalent. "What breed is she?" "Does he eat a lot?" "Where's her tail?!"The worst offender is a fellow dogwalker my galpal sees on a regular basis. He walks a standard poodle and insists on telling stories about the dog's "humping." He makes sure to work the word "hump" into virtually every sentence, but never when I'm around. That clown better watch out, man, I'll mess him up good, leave my lady alone, I say!
ReplyDeleteWell...at least we have not been around for "humping" conversations at our parks! Good to know. :)
ReplyDeleteI feel for ya... People seem to think that I am outgoing, but I am just really good at faking it until I am comfortable with people... Then, I guess the title would fit... Bah... I hope those crazy women realize what an awesome potential friend they are losing with their freakin' high-school-bitchy-clique behavior... Enjoy some Tex-Mex for me!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. Being a "little" different or misunderstood by individuals outside of your tight-knit friendship ring is nerve-racking. They don't know your life story, the things that you love, how to make you laugh, or topics to avoid. It is really hard to replace CLOSE friends that understand your quirks and love you for them :-) Those people that you know you could call in a time of need (or not) and they would drop everything to be at your side.
ReplyDeleteI mean honestly, how will you every replace two very hot (super intelligent to boot) chicks coming over to your house every Wednesday (rain or shine) to have dinner with you (and bring the food or help make it), clean the dishes, play with your little pride and joy, laugh with you.....cry with you......love you lots!!!!!
The bottom-line, friends like these take time - true diamonds in the rough. A good girlfriend is like a good husband - they take work! Time, training and conditioning......until you have them just right :-0