Halloween Texas Style

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So, here we are.  Littleman, the adorable blue dog.  I drew fangs on him last week and that freaked him out a little.  For Halloween he just wanted a blue nose and "whisker spots."  He wanted to be a "nice blue dog."  It was a whopping 81 degrees at 4 in the afternoon, so he didn't really wear his whole costume until the evening.  In Texas, the official trick-or-treating begins after 6 pm.  In NY, the moment you get off the school bus, it seemed, was time to grab your goody-bag and go.  Perhaps it's later here because it's so darn hot.  Anyway, we went to a "Scare on the square" in a little historic downtown area with a couple of friends.  Store owners dress up and sit outside their shops giving away treats.  We headed home for dinner with Grandma, Aunt Jen, Uncle Dave and little Nico.  And then the REAL trick or treating began.  We got home at 8:30!  Both boys were wasted and dragging their heavy loot behind them.  (Luckily, Aunt Jen brought the wagon, so the boys had a nice ride while us grown ups did the real dragging.)  To sum up, it was a fun afternoon/evening for Littleman.  I had fun...but I really missed being back home.  Not to mention, a year ago today was my last day as a NY resident.  Well, enjoy the pics and I hope you all had a very Happy Halloween.

 

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REM is still amazing and other tidbits

So, Papabear and I saw REM last night and I am still in awe.  They have been rocking nearly my entire life!  I could not believe their energy.  It was a phenomenal show.  The Old 97's opened for them and they were pretty darn awesome as well.  It was a great night.

In other news, I finished Littleman's Halloween costume.  Two night of hand stitching - don't get too excited, it's nothing fancy.  First, he said he wanted to be a "blue dog."  That evolved into "a dark blue dog."  Then, after a few weeks at preschool, he informed us at dinner one night that a "dark blue dog is not scary, so I want to be Spiderman."  Littleman does not even know who Spiderman is - yes, he recognizes the character on other kids clothes, but he has never seen the show/movie nor does he own Spiderman stuff.  Anyway, Papabear convinced Littleman that he could be a "rough/scary dark blue dog" and so he is.  Today we took the costume on a test drive at halloween party my gym was throwing.  I drew some fangs on him and he was growling like a champ. 

Poison ivy is just about gone.  My bicep still gets a bit itchy, but otherwise, I'm done with the steroids/antibiotics and on the mend.

I told one of the head cheese's at the preschool that my last day will be Nov. 6.  I just told them and that was that.  It will be VERY VERY VERY awkward and unpleasant for me to bring Littleman there two days a week if they do not find a replacement soon.  Basically I have given all the teachers there more work and I feel really horrible about it.  I know it's not exactly my problem...but they are all really nice people...ug, how I get myself into these situations, I'll never know.  (Oh wait...it's that darn big mouth...)

I know you won't believe this next bit - I'm off the baby train.  For now, anyway.  I think the job and other stressors in my life sent me over some edge I did not know I was teetering on.  There is no way on earth I could ever consider having a baby unless Papabear was fully on board.  I might have lost sight of that...for one teensie, tiny second.  We've been talking a lot lately and I know that it's just a matter of time for him - and only months, not years.  Once I could swallow that, the baby obsession calmed itself.  (I don't think it helped that ever since my parents divorce I had this crazy idea that I had to have *that* family - the one I kind of lost: mom, dad, two kids about two years apart.  I have fixated on that as the "perfect family" since I was about 8 years old.  And even though COUNTLESS parents have told me that age difference really doesn't matter when it comes down to it...I was never really convinced.  Now I am just content to know that my family will be whatever it will be.) 

Still haven't lost the 15 pounds...still hovering at around 7 pounds lost...

I have half of my Christmas shopping done.  It's okay to hate me...but do YOU have SIX siblings and five parents to buy for?  Ever since I had four siblings I started my shopping in September - right after all of their birthdays!

Papabear's mom will have surgery in January.  She wants to enjoy the holidays and so she shall.

I still miss every one so so much.  In about three weeks it will have been a year since we got here.  It's already been a year since I started this blog and a year since we sold our house.  A year.  A whole year.  If my sanity weren't on the line, I'd keep working so I could buy plane tickets...but alas, I need my sanity at the moment.

Well, Papabear and I just returned from a Tapas cooking class and I smell like olive oil and expensive cheese.  Need to go wash up.

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Cabin-ing in the Texas wilderness

Over the weekend we and a family we're friends with enjoyed a cabin in Cooper Lake state park.

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Littleman had been looking forward to this "camping" trip for months.  We

went with one of his best little buddies out here and spent the entire time playing and getting dirty.  What more could three year old boys ask for?  OH, marshmallows - and they did not stop asking!  The cabins reminded me of the really nice hostels in Norway.  Simple, clean and surrounded by woods.  Okay, our cabin was also surrounded by POISON IVY!!!  But I wore long pants almost the entire time and my friend went around plucking out all suspicious plants with plastic bags wrapped around her arms.  And here is 

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some real irony, after nearly two weeks of miserable, itchy pain, I felt the best througout our weekend in the woods!  Granted, I had a ton of steroids and all sorts of drugs pumping

through me.  We had a great time.  When we returned some friends who are not from Texas asked if it was "beautiful."  I am sad to report that, no, it was not beautiful - it was nice.  There were trees and a man made lake, but it just wasn't beautiful.  Did I feel like I got away and spent some quality time outdoors with my family? Absolutely.  Did we breathe fresh air, make camp fires, sing aloud, and not see a strip mall or a Super Target for nearly 48 hours? YES, YES, YES.

Before I insert all the lovely pics, I have two things to report: First: I received an email from my editor - they want to publish another one of my ideas!!!!  YAY!  However, as the company is in the process of being "acquired" it will "be a while."  SO, that translates to anytime within the next two years.  Still, I am pretty psyched about it.  They want to publish "the cubes" - one of my favorite games.  (If you don't know what the cubes are and you really, really want to, I'll email you a diagram Papabear made for the publishers- I'm too tired to explain at the moment.)

Second, the last picture will be of my poison ivy-ed forearm.  I took it as we were driving home from the cabin on Sunday.  It's gross, so if you don't want to see it, stop scrolling when I give you the warning.  And I just want to say, it was WAY WAY grosser than what I photographed on Sunday, not to mention ALL OVER my legs and upper arms. I am just giving you a teeny tiny peek for those of you who are "grossly" curious.  Every day it is getting better, I am happy to say. (Sad to say, I am back at work.  Tomorrow I am telling them that Nov. 6 is my final day....I hope that goes over well.  The directors are in Africa until Nov. 3, but they knew this was coming.  I gave them a month for crying out loud.  Somebody please send me a backbone...)

Okay, the pictures -

Here's Littleman climbing on Demitri's dad, Fred.  He pretty much spent the weekend climbing all over this man.

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Here Littleman has caught a frog in the lake.  You'll notice the giant cement wall in the water - that's to make the swimming area less choppy from all that Texas wind.  It is extremely unsightly and definitely took away from the beauty of the area. (It was too cold to swim, btw.  However, that didn't stop Littleman from running around in his undies.)

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Littleman in the morning in his "camping" shirt.

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The next series of photos I took on the ride home.  We passed a FEMA truck...for some reason I thought I should take a photo of that.  I also tried to capture how endlessly flat it is here.  I don't think my little camera does the job.  And, there is cattle everywhere.  OH, at one point, I heard Littleman making his dinosaurs kiss, so I caught that, as well.

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STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT A GROSS, SCARRED, POISON-IVY INFECTED FOREARM.

 

 

 

 

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I know, I need to go out and buy some Vitamin E...ew.

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Still across enemy lines

Yep, my body, that royal traitor, is at it again!  The poison ivy is just OUT OF CONTROL...and...I've been scratching.  I can't help it - I'm SO itchy!!!  It's so bad.  I went to the doctor this morning because one area, that started out on my bicep, has creeped along my armpit, onto my...well...one of those... and I've got spots all over my belly and my legs are covered.  Like I said, it's out of control.  The doctor gave me a mega-course of steroids and more antibiotics.  I know what you're thinking - "oh, you poor thing."  Thank you - you are so nice, really.  Every one who reads this is more than nice.  Anyway, don't think that.  I've got drugs for the itching, I just need to start taking them.  And, most importantly, I GET OUT OF WORK.  And people, that is worth its weight in gold.

Okay, here's the funny thing.  When I returned to work on Monday, all my kids were so happy.  They were hugging my itchy self, singing their little hearts out in "circle time," and asking in concerned tones about my bandages.  I hate to say it, but I really do like those little guys...I just don't like showing up at their school five days a week expected to teach.  Hilarious. 

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Facial dandruff update

SO, as per my stepmom's recommendation, I bought some cortaid to apply to my facial dandruff.  After just a few hours it was gone.  However, a mere day later, I get into this poison ivy pickle.  My face is fine, but now my appendages are covered in gross, oozing, icky poison ivy rashes.  Ahhh, life is so sweet.  I have two, count 'em TWO infected areas, which papabear refers to as cellulitis.  The antibiotics are supposedly attacking those areas, but it's hard to tell from the outside.  It is nasty.  Well, on the positive side, there is significantly less oozing now than there was yesterday, a sign that I'm "on the mend."

In other news, a dear friend from "back home," called to check in yesterday.  She told me something that I have to report: my library...well, my former library, is in good hands...great hands, actually.  I cannot tell you what joy it brings me to know that all my years of hard work and love will be continued.  From what I heard, the library is once again filled with the energy, creativity, and love I tried so hard to bring to it every day.  While I am sad that it's not MY love and energy there, I am grateful to the powers that be that the teachers I so love, and the children will have a wonderful library in their lives. 

Finally, we went to the Texas State Fair today.  We did not stay long because sweating really aggravates my super sensitive skin and it was hot in the sun.  The fair was okay.  I think I was expecting more - tractor pulls, livestock, that sort of thing.  I am sure they have that stuff at some point, the fair is so big it runs for three whole weeks!  But, all we saw was the midway, which equals: expensive rides.  Littleman had fun.  The sights alone made his head spin.  We met up with friends and he went on some rides with their kids.  The food there is kind of amazing: deep fried snickers, oreos, twinkies, and cheesecake!!!!  NO, I did not even try.  I did have one of those huge turkey legs for lunch, though.  That was fun.  So, to sum up this boring paragraph, the fair was just so-so.  The dinky balloon festival we went to a few weeks ago (which cost MUCH less) was a lot better.  Now we know.

I have to jet.  Back to work tomorrow - can't hide behind poison ivy forever, plus, it's only for a few more weeks.  Secretly, I am hoping they'll take one look at my gross skin and send me packing.  The bangages can't cover most of it....here's to dreaming...oh, and happy fall to those of you back east.  I miss you and cider donuts and the pumpkin party more than you know.  :)  Eat a donut for me, guys!

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Flipside

Well, I guess I've "turned."  My poison ivy is so gross that I just have to laugh.  I am still very itcy and uncomfortable, but, hey, it's poison ivy, it could be worse.  It will pass.  I am frustrated that going to the gym and working out will only make it worse, so I have to sit and stew.  I hate that.  BUT, it's only poison ivy.  It will pass. AND, I didn't have to go into work. Joy.

We received some good-ish news about our family medical situation so that is uplifting every one.

I guess that's all to say for now.  Can't ask for more.

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Salt on the wound

Well, just to make life extra super fun, fate has covered me with poison ivy.  If anyone saw me in May of 2007, then you know just how bad this is.  Festering and oozing are the two words that describe me best.  I decided to go to the doctor this afternoon.  Even HIS eyes bulged at my grossness.  He immediately ordered a steroid shot to be injected in my ARSE!  (I've never had that before and thankfully the doc took Littleman out in the office to get a sticker).  THEN, since some of my "sites" look infected, I'm on augmentin plus some heavy duty anti-itch drugs.  Potent enough to be labeled "sedative" and I am only to take them before bed or if I am not leaving the house for six or so hours.

Tonight I am missing a wine and cheese thing with some lady friends that would have been really lovely and fun.  Also, I was going to take a relaxing oatmeal bath when the doc informed me that baths just spread the poison ivy oil even more - so that's out. 

So, can there be a silver lining when my skin feels like it's on fire and my head is swimming with drugs?  Of course and let me list them here for you: No working - the doc says I should stay away from children for a couple of days - can you say four day weekend? YA-HOO! (Somehow, Littleman must have inherited Papabear's wonderful skin, because neither of them is itching at all). Next, Augmentin messes with birth control, need I say more?  Oh, and did I mention no work???  Not that I'll be enjoying the time much...but, at least I won't have to put on the happy face for other kids OR give them this wretched rash.

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Lowest of the low

Remember that band, Lowest of the Low?  Great music.  Papabear and I loved them in college and saw them in concert quite a few times.

Anyway, that cheerful, upbeat, the-sun-is-always-shining Britt you all know (yeah, yeah, I used my real name) is not here.  She's not gone, just not here.  I'm glad you can't see me right now.  I am almost ashamed.  Things being tough was never an excuse before.  I'm not giving up or losing hope...I'm just in a dark place right now.  And, I find it remarkable, because I have never been in a dark place before.  I have never let myself get here.

I'll find my way out.  I know that.  And I'm not looking for pity or feeling sorry for myself.  (Although, I did bake cookies tonight...that I plan to give to a friend who just had a baby...I swear!!!!)  I'm just kind of miserable and I don't know what to do with it.  I'm going to the gym, putting on my happy face for Littleman and most of my friends, eating salads for lunch and yogurt for breakfast.  What else can I do?

You know me.  I might find my way out tomorrow when Littleman hugs me and calls me his "angel mommy."  Or slurping down a delicious diet coke...

In the meantime, my bosses at the preschool were overly gracious and understanding.  They are looking for a replacement and will have me on my way sooner rather than later.  There's one step closer to upbeat Britt.  I can see the silver lining there.

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It's done

Well, almost.  It's funny how the world works.  Due to some family issues I can't post (but if you call me I will tell you, it's just not blog-appropriate), I have no more qualms about quitting.  On Monday, I will go in and tell them they need to find a replacement.  I will give them a month, but no more.  It doesn't feel as bad now that I have a reason other than "it's stressing me out and I'm miserable."

If you were here, sitting in my office with me at this very moment, I would fall into your arms and cry my eyes out.  I miss my family and friends so much.  I miss my brothers and sisters.  I miss every one.  I want to get in my car and drive to your house...but I can't because I am thousands of miles away from all of you.  Papabear needs my hugs for strength and I need all of yours.  I think I miss that most. 

I remember when everyone was so sympathetic about our "situation" when Papabear left for school and I was on my own with Littleman.  And I remember thinking I would never have survived if it hadn't been for all the wonderful people in my life.  My friends down the street and around the corner and over the river, my coworkers who hugged me every day and listened to every woe, the friendly faces at the library...everywhere I turned there was a smile that knew mine.  Every single one of you back east who reads this played a part in keeping me sane and happy those two and a half years. 

I have friends here and I know at least two who are going to read this want to drive over and hug me right away (thanks).  And I am grateful for that...but...it's just hard being far away from a world where I felt so comfortable and loved.  Especially when life isn't being particularly easy.

So, drop me an email or give me a call if you want.  I'll warn you, I am hormonal and prone to seriously embarrassing bouts of crying.

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:(

birth control be damned.

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My body, the traitor

TRAITOR!  I am late, only two days.  But I got the monthly migraine, I have cramps.  It will come.  And I will once again curse the powers that be...or more specifically, the makers of my extremely effective birth control.  I hate myself, or really my ridiculous brain for even entertaining the notion that I might be pregnant.  BUT, my mind goes there all too quickly.  I don't really hate myself...I just hate being so hormonal and prone to ridiculous thoughts.

More ways in which my body is a traitor: I still have not slept well...hence my super high score on Facebook's word challenge (ha ha, J!).  I refuse to medicate, REFUSE.  I WILL sleep like a normal person again.

Demonic facial dandruff, I REBUKE YOU!  (OLD, old SNL episode...)  Yeah, it was hot today and it flared up.  Stupid skin.

And finally, I am a fraud.  I really feel like one at the preschool.  I had the opportunity to join Littleman's class with my students today.  His teachers (not much younger than me) are so full of life and love for their job.  They remind me of ME when I was a happy librarian...or even a cranky librarian.   I told Papabear at dinner tonight that I am going to quit.  I just have to grow some...you know whats...and figure out a way to do it so that I can still bring Littleman there three days a week.  I can't burn the bridge...I like the people too much.  But, I can't go on like this.  I don't mind working part time...but five days a week at a job I really don't want to do is making me miserable (and probably the reason I'm late, and not sleeping, and experiencing facial dandruff flare ups).  Me and my big mouth.  I really hope I have learned my lesson.

Okay, something positive: last night I baked some bread from scratch.  Twelve, count 'em, TWELVE cups of flour!  Man is it a messy affair, especially when my three year old helps.  Oh, you should have seen his face when he plunged his hands in the huge mound of sticky dough.  His eyebrows jumped off his face, his cheeks lit up, his eyes were as round as moons and his hands...completely disappeared!  Totally worth the forty minutes it took to just clean the counter top.  Oh, the bread - it came out pretty good.  I had different sized loaf pans so one was a bit undercooked.  Otherwise, I can't believe I made a delicious loaf of bread!  Yay me.

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