Remember that band, Lowest of the Low? Great music. Papabear and I loved them in college and saw them in concert quite a few times.
Anyway, that cheerful, upbeat, the-sun-is-always-shining Britt you all know (yeah, yeah, I used my real name) is not here. She's not gone, just not here. I'm glad you can't see me right now. I am almost ashamed. Things being tough was never an excuse before. I'm not giving up or losing hope...I'm just in a dark place right now. And, I find it remarkable, because I have never been in a dark place before. I have never let myself get here.
I'll find my way out. I know that. And I'm not looking for pity or feeling sorry for myself. (Although, I did bake cookies tonight...that I plan to give to a friend who just had a baby...I swear!!!!) I'm just kind of miserable and I don't know what to do with it. I'm going to the gym, putting on my happy face for Littleman and most of my friends, eating salads for lunch and yogurt for breakfast. What else can I do?
You know me. I might find my way out tomorrow when Littleman hugs me and calls me his "angel mommy." Or slurping down a delicious diet coke...
In the meantime, my bosses at the preschool were overly gracious and understanding. They are looking for a replacement and will have me on my way sooner rather than later. There's one step closer to upbeat Britt. I can see the silver lining there.
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