Catching up...

SO, I have been catching up on my reading.  Oh, you didn't know?  I've only read the last two Harry Potter's since Littleman was born (more or less).  However, now that he is finally playing independently and sleeping a tiny bit longer, I have actually read a few novels.  In the past I favored Young Adult lit....well, I still favor it, but I have not read one in a long while, mostly because I haven't had any recommendations.  SO, I have been reading the hand-me-downs of friends and family...mostly adult lit.  And thus far, I am searching for a happy ending...or something that doesn't leave me with a "har-umph" when I am done.

 

As previously stated, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, was on the sad side.  A good read, but sad.

Memory

 

 

Piano

Then, I moved on to my mother's hand me down, The Piano Tuner, by Daniel Mason.  It was...hmmm...okay, I guess.  I enjoyed the desciptions of 19th century Burma, but I found the plot a little dry...kind of like the drought the Burmese were experiencing at the time.  I could have liked a different ending. 

Forgive me for being a sap - I like happy endings.  That's why I read FICTION.  I love the tickle in my chest I get from a couple/kid/family/dog/whatever that gets what he/she/they want in the end, even if it's contrived!  It doesn't often happen like that in real life and that is why I like to melt into the fictional world created by competent writers. (Speaking of melting, my SIL gave me a chocolate fondu thing for Christmas, I am totally psyched to try that out...mmmm...yum....oh, back to books...)

I have just started, A Great and Terrible Beauty, by Libba Bray.  My 12 year old sister loaned this to me just before I left Arizona...who is borrowing it from her grandmother - a very hip, college advisor.  I have high hopes for

Greatand

 this one.  I think it actually is YA...so far, only because the protagonist is 16. 

SO, if you have any good suggestions, please send them my way.  I am ready to read!

Hope this blog wasn't too boring.  I had the need to write about books.

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Christmas Cheer

JingleBells

Christmas Greetings!!!  So Christmas in Texas is lovely.  I thought I'd miss snow, but I don't...not yet, anyhow.  It was in the 40's last night when we walked PapaBear's parents to their car so it felt like Christmas when we waved at the full moon hoping for a glimpse of Santa.  Our dinner party was lovely, every one seemed to have a good time and the food - contributed by all who attended - was delicious.  

Littleman was SO excited about our party.  He talked about it for days and shouted "Merry Christmas" to everyone when they walked in.  Uncle Dave...I mean SANTA, made an appeance, and Littleman was beside himself.  The toys, wrapping paper, and smiles filled Christmas tree lit room.  It was a wonderful Christmas eve.

And the best part of all?  Waking up in my own home on Christmas day.  That hasn't happened....since...well...to be honest, after the divorce waking up on Christmas morning was never the same. (I'm not saying it was bad, or anything like that, it just...well...)  Let's just say there was a healing quality, a "total state of contentment" quality, about waking up in my own home, with my husband and child on Christmas day.  I treasured it and every one to follow.

Was it sad to hear the Christmas eve festivities back in NJ over the phone?  Yes, a little.  Last year I cried like a baby when I called home to say, "Merry Christmas."  Last night I kept it together.  I only felt the tears sting at the sound of my mother's voice...it was a good stinging, folks.  She really makes Christmas special and last night was my attempt to start a lot of her traditions with my own little family.  I really miss her at Christmas.

I miss my friends, too.  I miss you guys so much, you have no idea.  I hope all of you, every one reading this, is having a wonderful holiday season.  I should try to tidy up the living room while Littleman naps.  We're having dinner at the SIL's in an HOUR! ARG!  Well, very quickly I'll add some festive pics below.  ALSO, I am done with the "fake name" thing.  I'll keep Littleman and Papabear and the people who I know don't want to be named.  

Happy Holidays

Thespread

Santahelper

Papabear

Goodtimes

Blueguitar

Toys

Here are my boys at 1:26 pm on Christmas Day...

Naptime

Ho ho ho!

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The healing power of gingerbread

SO, things seem to be getting better.  I bought a pre-baked gingerbread house kit and we assembled it last night.  The construction crew consisted of Littleman, two uncles, two aunts, and myself.  We had such a great time.  Below are some pictures of our visit here in AZ.  It's actually pretty chilly, so Littleman and I had to buy sweatshirts at the zoo.  We looked a little dorky, but we were warm. 

The Gingerbread Team - how do you like Littleman's frosting goatee?

Gingerbread

Our finished house.

 

Gingerbread2

Phoenix Zoo:

Zoo

 

Zoo2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And how cool is my dad?  Here he is on his new Harley and my brother on the Honda.  Can you believe I'm related to such coolness?  Me either.

 

Harley

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Ruining things....

Before I became a mother, I sometimes ruined things.  Sometimes, I would say the wrong thing and ruin a lovely afternoon or conversation.  Sometimes I would ruin clothes because I am a careless eater, I play like a child, and I often get involved with arts and crafts-like-projects.  I have ruined meals because I have no sense of what things taste good together or how long or short to cook things.  I ruined things sometimes and I still do.  But, even when I sensed I was over cooking the asparagus or realizing the salad dressing was NOT going to wash out of my new pants, it never really bothered me.  Stuff gets ruined, no big deal.

 

But, now I am a mother...and there are days...days like today, when I feel like I am just ruining my boy.  I'll admit, it was worse when I was a new mom.  Every time I did something against the APA (American Pediatrics Association) I was sure I was ruining my baby.  It didn't help having a BF who does everything by the book and her little ones are perfect. ;) However, when Littleman turned out okay around his first birthday, that sense of ruin began to fade and only surfaced from time to time.

 

Now, though, it has begun to surface a bit more than I'd care to admit.  I have dragged this little boy all over the country and I am beginning to feel really bad about it.  Littleman cried and cried for his daddy today.  Oh, did I forget to mention that Littleman and I are in Arizona visiting family for two weeks and Papabear is home studying for the boards?  Yes, just two weeks after we settled into our new home we are off again. Well, Littleman also cried for his "new house. Mommy, just take me to the new house. Just take me home.  I want to go home."  And, the cherry on top, "I miss daddy. Daddy loves me. I miss daddy so much."  Okay, Littleman, we'll call daddy, his response, "I'll be so happy.  Talk to daddy."  My heart is breaking.  He had a massive meltdown at a sporting goods store today  I felt like such a terrible mother. Not only did Littleman run away from me and hide in the winter coats section while I was paying, I had to drag him out, kicking and screaming and biting.  It was awful.  Just awful.

 

Oh wait, I have another cherry to add to my sundae of ruined boy.  Tonight, Littleman took over an hour to fall asleep...with me lying beside him singing the same three lullabies over and over.  Was his lack of sleep due to being in an unusal bed in an unfamiliar room? Perhaps a little.  Was it due to missing his daddy? Yes, a bit of that, too.  But the REAL culprit?  HBO.  A movie, *My Super Ex-Girlfriend,* was left on and Littleman caught the part where she gets her superpowers (by touching a firey hot meteor that blows off her braces and levitates her while she "smokes."  As I walked in from putting away laundry, Littleman turned to me and said, "I scared. She hurt. I don't like it."  SO, tonight, in between each lullaby this is what my son said to me, "She hurt, mama.  Her hand is too hot. It's burning." or "Her teeth hurt, mama.  The girl has a boo boo."  Aaaahhhh, the joys of motherhood blunders.

 

One of my brothers tried to put things into perspective for me: "Children all over the world suffer much worse and turn out just fine."  Even our own childhood, clouded by an ugly divorce and 14 moves before I left for college turned out fairly okay people.  But, all I have ever wanted to be was a good mother and I feel like I am just abyssmal.  I know I am not abyssmal every day...but today...ug, I just want to forget about today.  I don't want to suck at the most important job of my life. 

 

Clearly, I am suffering from a lack-of-self-esteem moment.  Arizona is lovely this time of year, even a bit chilly! Shocking.  Tomorrow morning I will start a-fresh by NOT ruining pancakes for Littleman and all of his aunts and uncles who I am staying with!

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We've been elfed!

Click the link below for an EXCELLENT surprise!!!!

 

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1186926844

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Beat Up

Yes, after living out here for less than two weeks I have been beat up.  It was called 50/50.  Thirty minutes of cardio and thirty minutes of strength training.  Was it the endless reps that kicked my butt?  The intricate choreographed moves around the step? Oh no, not at all.  The culprit: my breasts.  That particular workout included about 75 jumping jacks and let me tell you people, it was an awful sight.  Those two babies nearly knocked me out!  Seriously, I was afraid I might have to strap them down with a resistance band.  And it gets better.  I don't have any appropriate workout attire, so my t-shirt was entirely too short.  SO, as we're jumping away surrounded by walls of mirrors, my t-shirt is flying up (thanks to the force of my enormous chest) exposing two years of eating poorly and not exercising, oh and a network of stretchmarks that would put a roadmap to shame.  It was a humbling, to say the least.  BUT, waking up sore today was a good thing; a good kind of sore.  A soreness that promises a smaller chest...perhaps by Valentine's day.  Wouldn't that be lovely?  (Now, all you smaller chested readers, I don't want to hear it!  The grass is ALWAYS greener! What I wouldn't give to work out in a wireless sports bra!!!)

 

Moving on.  Nothing much else to report here.  All the boxes are unpacked and 95% of it is put away.  The Christmas tree and inside decorations are up.  My car has Texas plates and my license should arrive in the mail in 2 to 3 weeks. Does that mean I'm a "Texan?"  No. No.  It just can't.  Right?  I'll always be a New Yorker, right y'all? JUST KIDDING!

 

Finally, if you want a fun book to read to your young friends at this time of year, I highly recommend The Gingerbread Man, retold by Jim Aylesworth. 

Gingerbreadman

For Littleman I leave out some of the lengthy repetition, but BOY, does he love to chant, "Run, run, as fast as you can.  You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!" and, "NO, NO, I won't come back, I'd rather run than be your snack!"  (FYI, there's a certain someone out there who will read this and know that it is HER voice I hear when I read this aloud to Littleman every night.  You know who you are!  Won't you miss reading it this year????) :)

 

Here's us at an ice sculpture exhibit:

By the way, they gave you the parkas.  Littleman and I DO NOT have matching gold parkas...in case you were worrying about my sense of style now that I live in the south.

Iceland

 

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Finally photos...

Happy Turkey Day!!!  I've been baking like a crazy person, but while the last batch of brownies were in the oven, I ran around with the camera and took a few shots of the place.  Littleman was napping, so his new room and big bed are not featured, but you'll see some of our new furniture and get a gist of the pad.  Please excuse the boxes and mess every where.  I'm doing the best I can.  OH, this first pic is of Lilcuz - our new little cousin from Guatemala.  He is a  WONDERFUL little baby!

Lilcuz

So, when you come to visit, here's what you'll see when you park in front:

Welcome

Eventually, this bright, airy space will be my office.  I didn't bother to take a picture of Papabear's.  You all know what it looks like, a mess of guitars, amps, computer, cables, and junk scattered on the floor.  But, here is my  space (isnl't the new books shelf awesome???):

Office

Next is the lovely dining room...perhaps you'll be special enough to have a meal in here...we'll see when you visit.

Dining

The BEST space in the house is the gi-normous kitchen/living area.  It's big, it's bright...and at night it's cozy.  Just a wonderful space.  We spend most of our time here...hence there being boxes everywhere else...

Living

Our yard is tiny, but a haven for Littleman.  It's just the right size for all of his stuff and I can see him where ever he goes.

Yard

I now have a luxurious bathroom.  The following picture is of the tub - we mostly use the shower...but man, even I am impressed that this is MY bathroom.  The sculpture is an original by my stepdad.  He is QUITE the artist.

Bath

Finally, my new heaven.  Attached to this beautiful bathroom is a lovely bedroom.  It's huge, with super high ceilings and, not pictured, it has a huge windowseat.  It's lovely.

Heaven

Oh, today I spent around 4 hours baking.  I made my first cherry pie...then I went on to make Papabear's two favorites: apple and pumpkin.  I had to include Littleman, so we made sugar cookies (turkeys).  They came out so nice, I had to take a picture.  I hope they taste as good as they smelled while they were in the oven....

Pies

I never have enough crust to get it to the edges of the pie plate when I make apple pie...I need to increase that recipe...hmmm....

Well, hope everyone eats well tomorrow.

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Home sweet elephant....

For almost as long as I can remember I have slept with a stuffed elephant. Yes, I am a 32 year old woman who has a stuffed animal in her bed, along with her husband.  I often joke that I just use it to support my enormous chest, but I know that isn't the real reason...however, I could never pinpoint just why, at 27, 30, and so on, I felt a need to keep that beat up thing beside me...until now, after the first night in our new house.

That elephant is home to me.  My family moved around  and traveled A LOT.  We had family in Norway, so we always spent a month there in the summers.  Then, after my parents got divorced, my brother and I were in a different bed every other weekend, not to mention, both my parents kept on moving.  BUT, that elephant has always been with me.  It is he one thing that has remained constant. It seems so juvenile to still need it...but alas, you all know that I am not really a "grown up."  Never will be.  Oh, and I feel like I should mention that about five years ago, Papabear could not bear the sight of my beat up, dust-mitey elephant, so he bought me a new one - which is now beat up and dust-mitey, but a friend to Littleman's own elephant.

SO, have you ever had "professional movers?"  Well, we paid over $6000 for a company to take our packed boxes and furniture into their truck and move it across the country.  Their brochure showed clean-cut looking men and women, in uniforms, gently placing lamps on end tables and smiling as they hauled a dining room table off of a tractor-trailer.  Those brochures sure were comforting....until the REAL movers showed up.  The crew in NY was very nice, even if they made crude jokes and swore.  They were efficient, for the most part, and seemed to know what they were doing.  Yesterday two guys came with a tractor-trailer to "move us in."  I don't even know where to begin.  One guy was grumpy and hardly spoke - he was a little overweight, but wore a cut up t-shirt that showed way more of his chest and armpits then I'd ever want to see.  The other guy, was thin and super muscular, so he wore cut off shorts and sleeveless t-shirt to show off his biceps, which he did every chance he got, even to Papabear!  In addition to being over an hour late, they dropped two boxes right off the truck!  Ug.  Overall, I shouldn't complain.  The only thing out of all of our stuff that is "broken" is Littleman's excavator (which stinks, because he's finally big enough to really play with it - we will try to mend it, but broken plastic handles can be a bitch.).  Well, we have about 150 boxes to unpack still...so, let's just hope I used enough packing paper.

Onto the house - it really is lovely.  Once I locate my camera, I will put up some pics, even if the place is a disaster right now. While the guys were unloading yesterday, Littleman was given his tricycle which he rode up and down the sidewalk while I sat on a bench in our front lawn.  It was so nice to be able to do that.  I LOVE having a sidewalk and NOT living on a busy street!  The house itself is pretty big...not sure where we'll put baby #2 (if Papabear ever feels ready to have one), but for now, it really is just right.  It's kind of fancy, which I am not used to, but it looks homey now that our furniture is all over the tile floors.

Life has not slowed down one bit in the last month.  Well...the few weeks we were at the house on the hill, I had some time to reflect and be sad about the things/people we were leaving behind.  But, since then, life has been a whirlwind.  Even now, with our stuff all around us, I thought things would feel more settled, but everything happening around us is SO charged with emotion.  I can't stop to think...about anything.  My sister-in-law is arriving on Friday from Guatemala with her new baby...we'll call him LilCuz (as in, Littleman's little cousin). :) We are all beyond excited about it.  They have been trying to have/get a baby for years.  We are so happy and excited for them.  And then, there's Papabear's dad.  It's so hard to see the pain in my husband's eyes when we take Littleman for visits.  It's impossible to think of myself when I think about what Papabear is going through.  I don't know HOW he has held up...or how he finished school and managed to get us all out here.  That man truly amazes me...he always has.  I can't write about this right now...I'm not ready.  I'll sum up with: we're in for some really good times and some really tough times.

Some of you will find this next bit interesting - Littleman has stopped visiting my/our bed.  Most of you know that he spent his first 15 months, pretty much by my side for most of the night.  Then, for the last half year or so, he's  been coming in only around 5 in the morning.   BUT, ever since we "uprooted," he has risen any time between 5:30 and 6 am and just declared, "I awake now."  Apparently, my bed is only for jumping on now....which is great.  HOWEVER, now I wake up at 5:24 am EVERYDAY.  I can't stop it.  It is 6:15 right now, and Littleman is still asleep...but clearly I am not.

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Movin' like molasses...

SO, we had planned to move in today, but the movers apparently won't be here until Wednesday.  That's okay - not having to unpack gave me time to FINALLY join the gym!  Did I have time to exercise?  Of course not - it took me 45 extra minutes to get there because I got lost...for the 6th time in two days...even WITH the GPS my dad loaned me.  (The GPS computer is from 2006, so there are a lot of new roads or ones closed for construction that I run into, arg.) I even got lost walking to a playground with Littleman this evening.  I didn't realize that the sun went down before 6 pm and some very nice lady (with a two year old son) had to give us a ride home.  Super fun.

 

Anyway, I am very much looking forward to an aerobics class later this week...as soon as I can locate my sneakers and then perhaps a pair of shorts.

 

Littleman is doing okay,I guess.  He's been a bit moody and emotional - who can blame him?  There's been quite a lot of change in the past few weeks.  And in two days, when our furniture arrives, there will be even more change.  (Luckily, we've been spending lots of hours at the new house in the day, so hopefully he won't feel too strange when we're finally settled in.)  Yesterday he had a meltdown in a parking lot...it was AWFUL.  He sat in the road (not quite in the middle) and just screamed his head off.  My hands were full of bags.  THREE, yes, THREE women stopped to ask if they could help - that's how bad it must have looked.  I knew he just needed to cry it out - the poor guy was hungry and just exhausted...he was set off by a rubber duckie at the check out - if we didn't have the same exact one in the car, I probably would have just bought it for him.  Good times.

 

Well, friends, my mind truly resembles scrambled eggs at the moment.  We've been travelling, I've been living out of suitcases for weeks...and now some are at my in-laws and some are at the new house.  Half the time I get lost getting from one house to the other...Oh, did I mention that the house is great?  It's really big, huge tile floors all over the place, lots of room for Littleman to run up and down.  The playground and pool are a few streets away.  SO, good times are definitely ahead.

 

Oh, some of you might be wondering how Papabear's dad is doing.  He is, afterall, one of the main reasons we moved out here, the others simply being the rest of the family.  Well, I have to say, I probably will not write much about that.  If you can believe it, there is actually one...or maybe two things that I really feel should be kept private. (I know, shocking news from such a blabbermouth, but I know you understand.)  I think the following update is appropriate.  While he's been in the hospital for a minor complication since we arrived, he will be back home in a day or two.  His spirits are up and he looks really good. 

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We made it!

We arrived at 7:15 pm last night!  What a journey!  Aside from some stomach issues (only the adults, Littleman's tummy was fine - most likely because he only ate Goldfish and a couple of french fries the entire trip) AND PapaBear's car leaking oil (the entire way!) the trip went very smoothly.  The mornings were filled with children's music and books, the afternoons were a little more quiet because the DVD player was plugged into Littleman.

Because I am absolutely wasted and we're meeting the realtor to get the keys to our new place, I am going to list some of the highlights of our trip:

-We stopped for gas six times.  We stopped for a potty 11 times.

-We called 911 twice on Friday.  The first time it was Liam who dialed it while playing with the hotel phone at around 6 in the morning.  We didn't realize it until 911 called our hotel room back to make sure everything was okay.  The second time was around 7pm, somewhere on the interstate in Tennessee.  There was a woman on the side of the road waving her arms next to her car.  We were going to fast to stop, but I called 911 and gave them her location.  We saw a trooper a few miles down head her direction.

-On the trip, I read The Memory Keeper's Daughter, by Kim Edwards.  It is mostly a heartbreaking story.  I think I will stick with fantasy, magic, and happy stories...however, it was a very compelling read.

-I have been wearing the same pair of jeans since Wednesday.  They are so soft, it's hard to put them in the wash...but alas, the stench of milk on the cuff (spilled by Liam in a Shoney's two days ago), will get them there in the end.

-Arkansas is the saddest state I have ever seen...from I-40, across the entire state there is NOTHING.  Even Little Rock was nothing. 

-The mountains in Virginia and Tennesee are breathtaking.

-The bathrooms at most Tennessee gas stations are scary. 

Okay, PapaBear just finished making breakfast, I'm off for some new adventures.  I hope I'll have some pictures up of the new house in a few days.

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Our journey begins...

We left NJ today.  We're enjoying a pit stop in Richmond, VA with Bill's other wife (and his hospitable girlfriend).  Then the other wife will come with us the rest of the way, driving Bill's car, so I don't have to drive alone with Littleman.  (For those of you who don't know him, Bill's other wife is his best friend, we'll call him Z from here on out.)

It took 7 hours and almost one tank of gas to get from NJ to Richmond.  We stopped three times.  Littleman was DRY the whole way - even though we put a pull-up on him!  We are so proud of the little guy.

After we eat dinner here, we'll get back on the road for about 3 more hours.  We're hoping to make it to Salem, VA tonight, then to Jackson, TN tomorrow (almost Memphis).  It is going to be a LONG haul tomorrow.

But, so far, so good!  Littleman only slept for one of the seven hours today, so I am hoping for a restful evening with him.

The foliage in Maryland was GORGEOUS.  While upstate NY is amazing, the different shades of yellow down here were definitely worth mentioning.  Lovely ride. 

Don't know when I'll post again, but keep your fingers crossed for a smooth journey!

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Elation

Papabear passed his final exam!  He is DONE with PA school!  What a relief.  Whew.  One stress down....a few more to go....National Board exam, finding a job....but for now, for today, we are celebrating two and a half years of HARD work, sacrifice, and struggle.  Three cheers for PapaBear!  Littleman and I love you so much and we are so proud of you.

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Elusive Sleep

So, we are camped out at my mother's in New Jersey and sleep has decided to take a little vacation from my life.  Littleman often wakes up throughout the night, not every night, but often enough.  I think all the different beds he's been in these past few weeks is just difficult for his little body and brain.  Not to mention, Littleman is a VERY early riser.  I am able to post at 6:01 am today because he is currently playing with the blocks his Papa-NJ gave him last night.  

However, I am not awake because of him today.  I am actually showered and dressed already - yes, at 6:01 am.  PapaBear is on his way to take his final exam from PA school right now.  He is SO nervous.  I am SO nervous.  I haven't slept in about six months anticipating this morning.  The past two years and a half years are riding on this one exam.  Neither of us has even speculated what will happen if he doesn't pass. BUT, that simply cannot happen.  He has been studying night and day.  He has been studying for two years.  He has learned so much and is so good at this profession....he just has to pass.  

Whatever happens, we will depart for Texas on Thursday morning.  This is the other reason I cannot sleep.  I used to be the kind of person who could clear her brain as it hit the pillow...but not anymore, not for the past six months or so.  What will our new house be like?  What will the neighborhood be like?  How hot is it there right now?  How long will it take me to unpack?  How long will it take for Littleman to get comfortable in his new room and sleep through the night? How long will it take me to shed these grotesque pounds I have allowed to creep and settle all over my body????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Well, I apologize for this very uninteresting post.  Our cross-country journey begins soon and I expect that to be quite an adventure.  Have a great morning, every one! :)

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Remarkable

Okay, who could resist this?  If my attempt to upload this "movie" is successful, you will be in for a treat.  Presenting, "Littleman Sings."

Littleman Sings

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These are a few of my favorite things...

As my departure from this place I have called home for the last eight years draws so very near,  I have started thinking about all the things I will miss.  The following list is mostly for me, but you might enjoy reading it.

-The handful of treasured close friends and all the wonderful acquaintances who fill my days.

-This house on the hill by the lake.  The magical light at dawn and sunset, the smell of grass on a warm summer afternoon or the smell of leaves in the fall.  The wind racing up the hill and taking your breath away.  The thunderstorms you can watch rolling across the lake to the spot you are sitting.  The swing on the giant maple tree.

-The local apple farm, with its amazing cider donuts and Macouns.

-The other local farm that grows the sweetest corn I have ever tasted.

-My "family" from work - and that wonderful job and my wonderful...now someone else's wonderful TA, who can seriously solve any problem or make any of my crazy ideas work.

-The short drive to my brother and sister-in-law's place by the ocean.

-The hills.  The trees (especially in fall).

-The buffalo farm.  Just kidding, I won't miss that place, but it was fun to walk there when the piglets were born.

-The seasons

-New York City

-Bagels.  Apparently, Texas is one of the parts of America that DOESN'T "run on Dunkin".

-If bagels will be missed, then you can bet I'll be missing good pizza as well.

-Snow.  Blessed snow and all the joys that come with it: sledding, hot cocoa, snowmen, boots, mittens, and so on.

-Pumpkin carving parties

-And finally, the thing I will miss most of all.  Having a BF only an 8 minute drive away whose family my son adores.  

That is the only thing on this list that physically hurts to leave behind.  My family and some friends will come and visit...and some one will undoubtedly send me some cider donuts (wait, no, I'll be dieting - let's switch that to bagels), but my BF is needed here.  I have started living my life mostly on a week-to-week basis, and that makes it a little easier to have faith that I will see her and her family before too much time goes by.  But...this hurts...a lot.  

Unless something truly remarkable occurs, this will be my last post from this part of the world.  Next one a little further south, and from then on, way out west....later, gators.

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Cinnamon Hen's Autumn Day

Cinnamon Hen

Every fall for the past six years I subjected countless primary school students to this darling little story about a hen who loves to rake the leaves.  It just didn't seem like autumn until I (or my dear TA who was forced) read it aloud.  This fall, instead of sharing the Cinnamon Hen with literally hundreds of other peoples' children, I have been living it with my own.  In the past five days the leaves have become brilliant around our house on the lake.  It is breathtaking. Littleman and I have been raking, but purely for 

Kick

entertainment purposes.  We have done loads of fall crafts, gluing fallen leaves to just about everything.  We flew a kite over the weekend, threw rotten apples from the apple tree down the hill, ran after geese loitering by the lake, and hiked in the woods looking for elephants (I keep telling him he'll have more success looking for squirrels and birds, but he's two.)

I am loving every minute of this stay-at-home-business...well...I'm not saying I love the minutes when Littleman is dropping his Cheerios all over the living room carpet just to get a rise out of me or the minutes when he's fighting his nap.  I am saying that I LOVE being the one who is there for it all and not having to pay other people $165 a week to laugh at his mischievous little face with a hand full of Cheerios behind his back.  (Note: Not that the people who were once paid in the very recent past to love my little boy weren't wonderful...)

I have guilt issues, though.  Papa Bear is working SO hard.  I feel like I've worked my butt off for the past two years for this great reward and Papa Bear has worked his butt off...so he can go to work.  It doesn't seem fair.  I am grateful for this time to be a mother.  Truly grateful.  Now I just have to work on getting good at it.  

Pumpkin

Oh, and here's the update:

We found an amazing home to rent very close to Papa Bear's parents, sister, and, of course, the gym I am planning to join within the hour of arriving in town.  We are lucky to have his parents who went house hunting for us and found this gem.  Our lease begins on November 12...I'm sure those of you who are interested will get some sort of snail mail notification of our new address.  The house is in a neighborhood with playgrounds, pools, walking/biking paths, and lots of trees (rare in this part of town).  The home is big and we'll have a guest room, PLEASE VISIT.

On a final note, even though it took 45 minutes to get him to settle down, my Littleman has been napping for an hour and I am most grateful for that.  :)

Fallbear

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Tupperware of tears

Tonight is our third night NOT in our house, we're officially camped out by the lake until November 1.  Yesterday the movers took all of our belongings away and the lawyer called to confirm our closing date for Tuesday.  It's all happening...NOW.  All summer I have stressed and now everything really seems to be in motion.  As a matter of fact, there has been so much "motion" that I have not had any time to stop and think about what is happening...until now.

I put the Littleman down for bed about 40 minutes ago.  About ten minutes ago I hear a quiet, "Mama?," squeak from the room he's staying in.  I went in and knelt beside him, "What's up?" I whisper.  He just simply said, "Mama,  I want to go home."  

Thank goodness he is very receptive to hugs, because I just could not speak.  How can I explain that this is home for now and that in a few weeks his grandparents house will be home and then a few weeks after that, when we find our own place THAT will be home?

Obviously, there will be no explaining.  He is two.  He won't even remember this chapter of his life.  But, it is remarkable and just amazing how a few simple words from a toddler can evoke so much emotion.  I'd cry buckets, but the movers have taken them all away and all I have are some tupperware containers I use for Littleman's snacks.

I know he'll be fine...and I know I will be fine, too.  I just wasn't ready for him to miss home...and I am certainly not ready for it.  I was planning on the "big cry" to hit me around Tennessee, when we're driving out there.

Well, if you were about to feel a little sad for me and my tupperware tears, let's end with this: I had a one hour Swedish massage this afternoon that was simply divine.  Tupperware is now going into the dishwasher.  We'll talk about buckets when I'm unpacking in Texas.

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A sea of cardboard

While nearly drowning under a sea of cardboard boxes and packaging tape, it occurred to me to take a break.  A few friends have mentioned starting a blog to keep my hoards of friends and family updated and here it is.  If you know me, you know I love to write and or talk...so, I hope my musing will give you a laugh and keep you updated.  Forgive me, it's after ten, my house looks like a tornado ripped through it, and the movers will be here Thursday!  

Okay, here's the update:

-We're moving to Texas to be close to the family.  This is not a permanent move, the hubby and I are not too fond of heat or...well...Texas.  But, family is family, and it's worth it if my LittleMan can really get to know his grandparents and other family out there.  Needless to say, we're not staying more than a few years.

-Closing on our house: Tentatively scheduled for THIS Friday, the 12th. Need confirmation from lawyers...but, all inspections are passed and it looks like a go.

-Movers are coming on Thursday, we are relocating to the house on the hill by the lake until Papa Bear is done with school.

-Papa Bear is scheduled to be done November 2.  We plan to drive to Texas that weekend.   He will take the boards, pass, get a spectacular job, we'll rent a gorgeous home, I'll join a fabulous gym, and we'll live happily ever after...until we have to move again.

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